


Until You Catch On (I'll Hold My Breath)

by whispered_story



Series: Until You Catch On [1]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Writing & Publishing, First Time, M/M, Student Jared, Supernatural and J2 Big Bang Challenge 2010
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-08
Updated: 2015-09-08
Packaged: 2018-04-19 18:21:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 34,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4756427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whispered_story/pseuds/whispered_story
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen works for his father's publishing house, a career planned out for him since he was a kid, and parties the nights away with his friends. It's not the life he wants for himself. Then he meets Jared, who makes him look at his life in a new way, pushes him in the right direction. Everything would be perfect, really, if only Jensen wasn't in love with Jared, because he's absolutely sure that Jared doesn't see him as anything but a friend. [repost, first posted on livejournal 28/7/2010]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> art by [berrylicious877](http://berrylicious877.livejournal.com) can be found [here](http://community.livejournal.com/berryliciousfic/1122.html).

When Jensen was five, his father took him to his publishing house, carrying him around proudly and telling Jensen all of it would be his and Josh's one day. So, of course, the first time someone asked Jensen what he wanted to be when he grew up, he told them he would do what his dad does. His parents still bring the story up even now, over twenty years later, like it's a proof that becoming the CEO of _Ackles Publishing_ has always been Jensen's dream. He's pretty sure he didn't even know what it was exactly his dad was doing when he said that, he just knew that he would do the same thing.

He went through a rebellious phase when he hit fourteen, thinking about running away and becoming an actor, or a singer, or hell, an artist even though he couldn't draw for shit. He never made it farther than the driveway, though. It's pretty pathetic as far as rebelling against your parents go. His sanctuary became his parents' library, four walls stocked to the ceiling with books, where he could hide and let fictional realities make him forget his own.

At eighteen, he was enrolled at Stanford and at twenty-four, he had his MBA and started working for his father.

Four years later, Jensen's sick of his life.

~

"Ackles!" Misha yells and waves him over.

Jensen pushes past people, giving an apologetic if not sincere smile when he jostles someone. Misha's parties are always huge - everyone who has ever so much as greeted Misha shows up. This one is even more packed than usual, though. It took Jensen forever to even make it into the kitchen, having to squeeze himself past what felt like a million people. He longs for his quiet, empty apartment.

"Finally. It's no real party if you're not here," Misha says, pulling Jensen into a hug before handing him a beer.

"Really?" Jensen raises an eyebrow and takes a long swig. "I heard you had quite an adventurous night without me last Saturday. The words strippers and whipped cream were mentioned."

Misha grins. "Doesn't mean I didn't miss you dearly, man," he insists and claps Jensen on the back. "Though the strippers were pretty damn awesome. And I got a private show from this one guy and girl. Things got pretty interesting."

Jensen makes a face and pushes Misha away from him. He loves the guy, but Misha's one of those people whose sex life you just don't want to hear about - no matter what kinky shit you might do, it's nothing compared to Misha Collins. Or Misha Collin's girlfriend. Jensen never thought he'd ever be traumatized by someone else's open relationship. 

"Too much information, dude."

"Oh, please. Don't be such a prude. I've heard about your escapades with guys in much more detail," Misha huffs. "Speaking about guys - Adrian's here."

He wiggles his eyebrows and Jensen just shrugs, taking another sip from his bottle. Adrian's one of the last people he wants to run into right now, only preceded by pretty much everybody Jensen's related to.

"Hmm, I see." Misha gives him a thoughtful look, tapping his finger against the corner of his mouth. "Not in the mood for Adrian."

"We hooked up a few times," Jensen replies. "It wasn't even that good and now he acts as if we're meant to be. He's calling me at _work_ , for fuck's sake."

Misha gasps loudly. "Next thing he'll be asking you out, Jensen. The horror. Just think about it, that'd be the most committed you've been in ages."

Jensen chuckles and pushes Misha away with one hand. "Shut up, asshole," he mutters, shaking his head. "I'm just not looking for a relationship right now, okay? At least not one like that."

"Like what? You mean one where two people have sex with each other and occasionally talk about their feelings?" Misha asks with a smirk, but there's an underlying, honest curiosity. 

It's what Misha does. He teases and mocks and jokes around, but he's always analyzing people. Jensen hates nothing more than being analyzed. As if he doesn't know he's got issues.

“I mean a relationship with people like Adrian. With people like this," he replies, waving his hand around the room. He pinches the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache forming behind his eyes. "I'm so fucking tired of all this."

He feels Misha's hand on his arm, and when he looks at him Misha looks serious, concerned, and Jensen feels a pang of regret. He's Jensen Ackles, son of a millionaire, living the sweet life of the rich and beautiful and he really shouldn't complain. He's got it better than most people. He should be _happy_ , and instead he's whining about his life at a party of all places.

"Jensen." Misha gives his arm a squeeze. "You okay? What's this about?"

Jensen shrugs. "Nothing. I'm good, man, just -- my mother's riding my ass again about how I need to settle down and start a family. And work sucks right now. I'm just. In a bad mood, I guess."

"Work, huh? Your dad's still impossible to please?" Misha asks knowingly, giving Jensen a small, sympathizing smile.

Jensen shrugs. "Yeah. Same old stuff."

"You know, you could always find work somewhere else. You're qualified, Jensen."

Jensen fiddles with the label on the beer bottle, slowly tearing at the edges, and doesn't look at Misha. It's not the first time his friends have made that suggestion, and sometimes, when Jensen gets fed up with everything, he contemplates it. He pictures calling up rivaling publishing houses, knows some of them would take him even if he weren't qualified just to put one over on his father. 

He wonders what it would be like, marching into his dad's office and handing in his resignation and finally being free. Jensen's sick of working for his dad, being treated like his son instead of someone actually capable of handling a business. He's sick of working his ass off but never getting the recognition he deserves. He's quickly approaching the stage where he's sick of _Ackles Publishing_ altogether, but truth is, it's all Jensen's ever known. It's what he knew he would become since he was a kid, and he never really gave any thought to whether or not it was what he _wanted_ to do. At least not until he actually started working for his dad and despising having to go to work more and more with each passing day.

Someone bumps into him, and Jensen almost stumbles into Misha, but manages to catch himself on the counter. He turns to glare at whoever ran into him and is met with an apologetic, worried expression.

"God, I'm so sorry. Did I hurt you?" the guy asks, running his eyes over Jensen a little more slowly than necessary and Jensen feels a small spike of excitement. 

It's just what he needs, burying himself in someone, something, and forgetting everything else around him even if it's just for an hour or two. The guy's not exactly Jensen's type, a little too short and a little too innocent looking, but Jensen flashes him a wide smile anyway.

"I'm good. No harm done, man," he says and holds out his hand. "I'm Jensen."

Behind him, Misha snickers and Jensen chooses to ignore him, to ignore everything for now.

~

Jensen wakes up the next morning with a hangover and the guy still sleeping soundly next to him. He groans, throwing his arm over his eyes before glancing at his alarm clock and sitting up. He supposed to be at work in thirty minutes. And if he looks the way he feels, his dad is going to give him a talk on responsibility and the importance of keeping a good image the second Jensen steps foot into the building, even if he miraculously manages to be on time.

"Fuck him," he mutters under his breath and nudges the guy in his bed. Tony or Toby or whatever. "Hey."

"Wha'?" he says, his eyes blinking open. "Ugh. Too early."

"Too bad," Jensen shoots back. "You gotta leave, I have to get to work." 

He gets up slowly, feelings the bones in his back pop, and walks into the bathroom without looking back. His head hurts with each step, but at least his stomach feels fairly okay and there's only a little dizziness. He should have just taken the guy home and not gotten drunk out of his mind first, because he regrets it every single time. _You need to learn from your mistakes, Jensen,_ his dad always tells him, and Jensen scoffs under his breath. 

He stands under the hot spray of the shower until the pounding in his head has receded to a dull pain and when he comes back out, his apartment is empty. He gets dressed, drinks his coffee down quickly and throws away the note left on the counter, barely glancing at the number and _'Call me. Tyler'_ scrawled under it.

He makes it to work almost half an hour late and Aubrey, his assistant, hustles him into his office with a stack of notes and a fresh coffee. 

"I told everyone who's called for you that you're in an important meeting and you'd call them back, so you're good," she tells him, giving him a disapproving look at the same time.

"You're a lifesaver," Jensen says with a wide grin. "Remind me to get you one hell of a Christmas present."

"Just don't do it again," she says and Jensen nods. He takes the notes from her hand and drops them onto his desk, deciding to check his emails first. 

Jensen's in his office for less than twenty minutes when the intercom buzzes and Aubrey lets him know that his father's there to talk to him. Jensen sighs, smoothes down his tie and sits a little straighter. 

_You're qualified_ , runs through his head, Misha's voice soft and sincere. _But never qualified enough_ , he adds. Never quite what his parents want him to be, never who he wants to be either. 

"Tell him to come in," he tells Aubrey.

Not a moment later his father steps into the room, the same serious look on his face he's had for years. Jensen wonders when he last saw him smile, really smile, and his mind comes up blank. Jensen used to make him laugh when he was younger, and he remembers his mom, one afternoon while they were having a barbeque in their backyard, telling him that nobody made his dad laugh the way Jensen did. He remembers feeling so proud. He's not sure what changed, when it changed, he just knows that he misses his dad's laugh. It's sad that someone can seemingly have everything and be unhappy anyway.

"Jensen," Alan says with a nod. "You having a good morning?"

"Dad," Jensen replies, schooling his expression into something more somber. "Can't complain, things are going all right. Did you need anything?" He prays he doesn't still look hungover.

"Your mother wanted me to tell you that you should come for dinner on Saturday. She tried calling you yesterday, but she couldn't reach you."

"Oh," he says and cringes inwardly. Chris and Steve have a gig on Saturday, but Jensen doubts his parents would accept that excuse. "Great," he says with as much enthusiasm as he can muster.

"Eight p.m. Dress nicely, we're expecting guests." 

Jensen nods, forces a smile on his face. "Of course," he replies, but his thoughts are stuck on the word _guests_. 

There have been guests at every dinner in the last few months, and the guests always happen to include single, gay men, who conveniently sit across from Jensen during dinner. His mother's always tried meddling in his love life, but ever since Josh announced he was going to be a dad, his mother has been on a rampage to find someone for Jensen as well. At least, he thinks bitterly, his mother's not trying to set him up with girls. It only took her a year after he came out to realize that Jensen wasn't going through some phase and he really had no intention of dating a girl. So now she's taken to parading guys in front of Jensen. Appropriate, respectable guys who meet all his parents' standards and bore Jensen to death.

"Okay, then. I need to get back to work. Got a meeting with Ferguson later. Looks like the old man's finally ready to sell."

Jensen snaps his head up. "We got a meeting with Ferguson?" he asks. For a split second he wonders if he's forgotten about it, but then he notices the uncomfortable expression on father's face and his stomach drops a little. They've been trying to buy up Ferguson Books forever, negotiations going back and forth and Jensen has been part of most of the meetings. He's worked for this.

"It's pretty short notice," Alan shrugs. "Daniel is accompanying me to the meeting."

"Daniel?" Jensen repeats and can barely contain the bitter tone. 

Daniel started working for _Ackles Publishing_ only a few years before Jensen did, worked himself up pretty quickly and his father thinks the guy is the second coming. Jensen thinks he's an arrogant moron who takes himself way too seriously and just tells everyone exactly what they want to hear.

"It's an important meeting, Jensen," Alan says. "I've been trying to buy Ferguson out for a couple of years. I can't afford for anything to go wrong now."

"And it would if I was in on this?" Jensen asks, crossing his arms.

"It's a business decision," Alan answers with a small sigh. "I can't let the fact that you're my son influence my decisions about the company."

"Right," Jensen mutters, but his father's already out the door again. 

He takes a few deep breaths, trying to calm down, and curls his shaking hands into fists. He should be used to it, shouldn't let his father still get to him like this. But it hurts every time he's overlooked, or told he's just not quite ready for handling some parts of the business yet. Jensen knows that's code for you're not the person we want you to be yet. He also knows he's never going to be that person.

~

Jensen leaves for an early lunch when he fails to concentrate on the inbox full of emails, or the small stack of papers and endless post-it notes. Anger's still thrumming inside him, and he walks without a destination in mind, his strides quick and hard, trying to work off some of the pent-up frustration.

People rush past him, nobody paying him attention. They're all too busy with themselves to notice anything around them. He hates this city with a passion sometimes.

His life isn't bad, and Jensen knows he has a lot of things to be grateful for, but sometimes he itches to be somewhere else. He wishes he could go back to being twenty and in college. Just another student among many, living the same life and not having to worry about a job he isn't sure he even wants.

Jensen admires people who have a job they love, something they live for. People like Chris, who dropped out of college 8 months before graduating when he got offered a record deal. Chris, who is a musician through and through, and Jensen honestly can't imagine him being anything else. Hell, he even admires his older brother, who passed down the opportunity to work for his dad to become a surgeon instead. Josh is doing something he loves, and somehow still meeting all their parents' expectations.

Jensen sighs and keeps walking, hands stuffed into the pockets of his pants. He lets his eyes roam over the street, spotting a café a few buildings down and makes his way there, peering in through the windows. It's small and many of the customers seem to be students, and Jensen contemplates looking for something else, some place where he actually fits in. But he has no idea where that would be. He sighs, pushing the door open. 

Inside it's cool, miles away from the sticky late summer heat, and the heavy smell of coffee is accompanied by the steady murmur of conversations. Jensen finds a small table tucked away in a corner, away from the windows. The furniture isn't the most appealing, and certainly not the most modern, but it's actually comfortable and Jensen sighs a little in a strange kind of relief. 

He grabs the menu and is skimming the food section when a shadow falls over his table and Jensen looks up.

"Hi! I'm Jared, your waiter. Are you ready to order yet?" 

Jared looks impossibly tall, with Jensen looking up at him from where he's sitting, and there's a wide smile on his face and floppy, brown hair is falling into his eyes. He's good looking, but a lot of people Jensen meets are, and yet there's something about him that catches Jensen's attention immediately. 

Jensen gives him a smile, licking his lips. "Coffee, black. And a ham and cheese sandwich, please."

"Good choice. The sandwich's awesome," Jared says, flashing his dimpled smile again. "It'll be right up."

"Thanks." 

Before Jensen can say anything more, engage Jared in some pathetic attempt at a conversation, Jared's turned around with one last smile. Jensen watches him walk away, takes in the long legs and what looks like a pretty nice ass underneath too baggy jeans. He stops at a table a few feet away, gives the group of girls sitting there the same wide smile Jensen received, and Jensen feels uneasy watching the scene. There's something about Jared that makes him want to jump up and wave his arms around, make Jared notice him and focus all of his attention on him.

He forces himself to not to stare, patiently waiting for his food to arrive. Jared smiles at him again when he brings him his coffee and then the sandwich with a "Hope you like it," before leaving Jensen alone just as quickly. 

Surprisingly, the food is good and the coffee's decent, too. The café is different from the places Jensen usually has lunch at; nobody's wearing pressed, expensive suits or flashing jewelry and the latest designer clothes; there aren't any pretentious lunch meetings being held and nobody seems in a rush to get anywhere. For once, Jensen feels like he's the one sticking out, but nobody gives him much notice except for a group of teenage girls who look his way and giggle ever so often.

When Jensen pays for his food, Jared gives him a smirk. "Your fans over there will be heartbroken to see you go," he says.

Jensen glances at them. This might be the perfect opportunity to say something to Jared, ask him if Jared will be sad to see him go as well and would Jared like to have dinner and hot steamy sex with him? 

"I'd love to stay a little longer, but work's calling," he replies instead.

"Well, maybe we'll see you around here again?" Jared asks, and Jensen swears he sounds a little hopeful. It's probably his overactive imagination. 

"Maybe, yeah," he agrees.

Jared smiles. "Cool. I guess I'll see you then."

Jensen nods. He doesn't leave his number, doesn't ask for Jared's, but when he steps outside he glances back again and burns the name Café Bonheur into his memory.

~

Jensen spends the rest of the week avoiding his father at work, seething inside when he hears the meeting with Ferguson went well and that they might actually seal the deal soon. He stays in his office and buries himself in paperwork. Saturday comes way too quickly for his liking and Jensen jealously listens to Chris on the phone, rambling about their plans for the night and all the people who will come to the show.

"Maybe you can drop by after dinner?" Chris suggests before they hang up.

"We'll see. You know my mom, there'll probably be a million courses and I'll be roped into conversations with every single guest."

"Next time, then," Chris says comfortingly, and Jensen appreciates that Chris is trying to make him feel better, but it doesn't brighten his mood much. 

He feels agitated by the time he arrives at his parent's house, ready to just turn around and go back home again. 

Martha, his parents' housemaid opens the door for him and greets him with a quiet "Good evening, Mr. Ackles," even if she's known him for half his life. Jensen gave up trying to get her to call him by his first name years ago.

His mother meets him in the foyer with a bright smile.

"Jensen! You're just in time," Donna says, taking his hands in hers.

Jensen dutifully leans down to kiss her cheek. "Hello, mom. How're you doing?"

"Just fine."

She ushers him into the parlor, where the rest of the guest are already sitting, sipping drinks and talking animatedly. Jensen plasters on a fake smile, and squashes down the urge to flee.

"Jensen, these are Harry and Margot Morton. Harry, Margot, my son Jensen," Donna introduces and Jensen shakes hands dutifully with the older couple he distantly remembers having seen around his parents' country club. "And you remember Darren and Lucinda, right? Their daughter went to school with you."

"Of course," Jensen replies, shaking Darren's hand and kissing Lucinda on the cheek quickly. "How's Jessica?"

"Oh, wonderful. She and Terry are expecting their first child. It's very exciting for all of us." Lucinda lays her hand on Jensen's wrist. "And you, Jensen? I heard you still haven't found someone to settle down with?"

Jensen gives her a strained smile. "Work's keeping me busy," he lies and for moment, he's almost glad when his mother ushers him away yet again, until he sees the wide smile on his mother's face as she introduces him to the only guest who's obviously on his own.

"Jensen, this is Laurence Abbott. I don't think you two ever met before?" she asks, looking innocently, as if Jensen doesn't know better. 

"Can't say I have," he says, and shakes Laurence hand. 

"Well, why don't you sit down with him? I'm sure you boys have much more in common than us old people," Donna jokes and winks at them. Jensen groans inwardly.

His mother's persistence keeps on all through dinner. Jensen is conveniently sitting across from Laurence, and his mother keeps chiming in, gushing about what a fantastic, successful lawyer Laurence is shaping up to be and how far he's come for his young age. Jensen nods dutifully, acts impressed and fascinated. If there's one thing Jensen is good at, it's faking interest. At least the food is good.

When he finally gets out of the house, though not after his mother pulls him aside and insists that he and Laurence would make such a handsome couple and didn't they get along wonderfully, Jensen tugs off his tie, shrugs out of his dinner jacket and pulls out his cell. He's got a couple of messages from Steve and Chris, both of them sounding a little tipsy and the music from the bar blaring loudly in the background. He glances at his watch, considering dropping by for an hour or two before starting his car and going in the opposite direction. He's already got a headache forming, and what he needs right now are a couple of beers and someone to hug and coddle him.

Danneel is already in her pajamas when she opens the door for Jensen, smiling widely. 

"Jensen!" she exclaims and pulls him into a hug. "Did the doorman let you in without letting me know again?"

"He knows me almost as well as he knows you, Dani. And he said you didn't have company."

"I don't," she agrees, pulling him into her apartment. "I was watching crappy TV and eating ice cream."

Jensen frowns, looking at Danneel more closely. "Isn't that your usual post-break-up ritual?"

Danneel chuckles. "It's also an I-can't-find-a-decent-man-to-date ritual," she says, hooking her arm through Jensen's and dragging him to her couch. "So, not out tonight?"

"I had to attend an Ackles dinner," Jensen replies, and plops down on the couch. He puts his feet up on the table, throws his arm over the back of the couch. Danneel leans into him immediately.

"Poor baby," she mocks. She hands him a beer bottle from the coffee table, already half empty.

Jensen snorts. "You wouldn't be so condescending if you had to suffer through my mom's dinner parties. It was a lawyer this time," he says with disdain, taking a swig from the bottle.

"Please, I have a mother as well, I know what that's like," she scoffs and even if she's right, Danneel's mom is nowhere near as persistent as Jensen's own. He thinks it's quite possible that no mother is as persistent as his. "And lawyer guy wasn't your type?"

"The conversation nearly put me to sleep."

"It's amazing how you can find something wrong in every single guy you meet," she says, a teasing tone to her voice, but her expression's serious. 

Jensen frowns down at her and shrugs. "You want me to settle for just anyone then?"

"Of course not, Jen. But I want you to be happy," Danneel replies with a small smile.

Jensen looks away from her. On TV, a couple is kissing, romantic music playing in the background and they look sickeningly happy. "I don't want those kind of guys."

"What kind of guy do you want? You meet tons of men all the time, Jensen, but nobody ever holds your attention."

Jensen shrugs with sigh and Danneel drops her head onto his shoulder. He wishes he could give her a straight answer, because nobody knows him the way Danneel does, nobody is as good as figuring out his life for him as she is. Maybe the problem is that Jensen really has no idea what he wants himself. He just knows what he doesn't want, and he's not sure where to find something else.

"One day you'll find whatever it is you want," Danneel says, her voice soft, and she slides her arm around his waist. 

He hopes she's right.

~

"Band is on in five," Chris says, sliding into the booth next to Jensen. "Watch and learn, boy, they're fucking brilliant."

Jensen raises his glass in mock salute and takes a swig, the alcohol burning down his throat. "Can't wait." 

He glances at his watch and frowns slightly when he sees it's fast approaching midnight. He has to be at work early the next morning, and he really hopes the band will only play a short set. 

"Relax a little," Chris tells him, mouth close to Jensen's ear. "You've been fucking tense all night."

"Fuck you, Kane," Jensen replies good-naturedly, ignoring the concern on Chris's face. "Some of us actually have a steady job and can't party all night and sleep all day."

"We have a job," Steve shoots back from the other side of the booth, flipping Jensen off. "Ours is just much cooler than yours."

"Doesn't hurt that you both have a trust fund to live on."

"And you don't?" Chris mocks. He steals Jensen's drink, throwing back the rest. 

"I work the whole day to earn money," Jensen argues and grabs Chris's beer bottle in turn, only to find it empty. "You owe me a drink, asshole."

Chris chuckles. "I'll pay for the next round. Don't sweat it, kid."

"Maybe you should be the one getting the drinks though," Steve chimes in just as Jensen's about to protest being called a kid. It's a well-established routine between them, Chris and Jensen bickering and Steve interfering.

He raises his eyebrow at Steve, who glances to the bar. "There's a guy eyeing you."

Jensen turns his head to the side, pretending to look at Chris and spots a tall, blond guy leaning against the bar counter. Next to him, Chris chuckles lowly. "You're so easy, Ackles."

"Shut up," Jensen grouses and nudges Chris. "Let me out and I'll get drinks."

Steve and Chris both cackle, but Chris lets Jensen slide out of the booth. Jensen saunters over to the bar, ignoring the guy and leans against the counter a couple of feet away. He catches the bartender's eyes. "Three beers," he orders just as he feels a hand on his arm.

"Hey." The blond guy smiles at him. "I noticed you with your friends earlier. I'm Connor."

"Hi. Jensen," he replies and turns back to the bartender, handing him money as three bottles of beer are put down in front of him.

"You gotta get back to your friends? Or would you maybe wanna grab a drink with me?" Connor asks, raising his eyebrows suggestively. 

It's pretty lame, but Jensen's gone home with guys much worse at flirting. He bites his lip thoughtfully and his gut clenches in a way that's become much too familiar lately, something inside him protesting that this isn't what he wants. For once, Jensen listens to it.

"Sorry, man," he says, "I just wanna hang out with my friends tonight."

Jensen doesn't wait for the guy's reaction, grabbing the beers and walking back to their booth. Chris and Steve are both watching him, the same expressions of surprise on their faces. Jensen shrugs them off, setting the beers down on the table. He doesn't feel a pang of regret.

~

On Wednesday the next week, Jensen's close to breaking down by noon. His desk is piled with so many papers he can barely find anything and things just keep going wrong.

There's a meeting with marketing on Friday that Jensen is in no way prepared for and an author they've been going after for weeks is suddenly favoring another publishing house, while another one of their biggest authors is throwing a hissy fit about his book after the final manuscript has been signed off. The whole office is scurrying to get things done, people running around like chickens with their heads cut off. And it's today of all days that his father is having a business meeting at the other end of the country, leaving Jensen to be the guy everyone goes to. He wishes he could just tell everyone to take care of the problems themselves instead of coming to him, but that would probably just result in one of his dad's lectures on how if he wants to be CEO one day, he has to be able to take charge. So Jensen does his work with a scowl on his face, snapping at more people than necessary and downing one cup of coffee after the other.

At lunch break, Jensen grabs his wallet and keys and tells Aubrey he's leaving for a while. "I have my cell phone with me, for emergencies." 

Aubrey gives him a reproachful look, pushing a strand of dark her behind her ear. "Your father will throw a fit if he finds out you took off for hours while he was gone."

"If have my cell with me and I won't be gone long, Aubrey. I'm gonna grab lunch not too far away, I can be back here within ten minutes if anyone needs me."

Aubrey sighs, but nods and shoos him away. Jensen feels a little better as soon as the elevator door slides shut in front of him, and he's smiling by the time he steps out of the lobby and onto the busy street. 

The walk to _Café Bonheur_ takes longer than Jensen remembered and when he gets there, he peers in through the window trying to see if Jared is working. All he can see is a blonde girl behind the counter, but he tells himself that it doesn't mean that Jared isn't there. And he came to have lunch anyway and not just to ogle some guy he doesn't even know.

He walks inside, choosing a table at the back again. 

"Hey, you're back," he hears just as he's sitting down and a second later Jared is by his side. "Hi."

"Hi, Jared." Jensen gives him a smile, trying to look calm, but he suddenly feels nervous. 

He's nervous because of a _guy_ and he's not sure if he hates it or feels excited about seeing Jared again.

"You know what you want to drink already?" 

"Coffee," Jensen says.

Jared nods. "I'll be right back."

Jensen pretends to read the menu until Jared returns, setting a cup of coffee down in front of him. "Here you go."

"Thanks," Jensen smiles. 

"Ready to order?" 

Jensen closes the menu and nods. "Just a Cesar salad, please."

Jared gives him a speculating look. "All right. Coming right up," he finally says with a smile and leaves again. 

Jensen sips his coffee slowly, watching Jared bring a couple of customers their drinks and a plate of what looks like pasta to another one sitting at the counter. He looks content doing his job, a constant smile on his face as he talks to everyone, and Jensen can't tear his eyes away.

When Jared sets his food down, there's an additional plate with a sandwich. "I didn't order that," Jensen says.

Jared shrugs. "Can't live on salad alone, man," he shoots back. "You need real food."

Jensen contemplates saying something for a second, and then thinks what the hell, he's never been too shy to chat up a guy and he's not going to start now. "What about you? You had lunch yet?" he asks.

"Not yet."

Jensen prays he doesn't look as desperate as he feels and gestures at the empty chair across from himself. "You wanna join me?"

Jared looks hesitant for a moment, glancing at his watch and then at Jensen. Jensen almost thinks Jared is going to shoot him down, but then he nods, smiling. 

"Okay. I'm just gonna grab something to eat from the kitchen real quick," he says, and Jensen grins and nods.

Jared's only gone for a minute before plopping down across from Jensen with a burger and fries spilling all over his plate. "So, hey, I never caught your name."

"Jensen."

"Jensen," Jared repeats and the way he says it, drawling it out, makes Jensen want to lean over the table and kiss him. "Nice."

Jensen snorts. "Different, for sure. Nice set up for lots of teasing, too."

Jared laughs, leaning a little closer. "I like it," he says and picks up a couple of fries. "So, Jensen, what do you do? You work anywhere close by? Don't think I've seen you around before."

"I work in publishing, not too far from here," Jensen replies. 

Jared furrows his brow, looking utterly adorable. "I think I know where you mean. I walk by there sometimes. What's it called again? Something with A, right?"

"Ackles. Yeah," Jensen says, hesitating. "That's my dad's actually."

"Really?" Jared's eyes widen and his hand stops midway to his mouth before he stuffs the fries he's holding in and chews slowly. "Cool."

"Yeah," Jensen says and tries not to grimace. Cool really isn't the word he'd use to describe his job right now.

"So you gonna take over one day, huh?" Jared asks. "My daddy's an accountant and he secretly always hoped I'd become one, too. It's what fathers do, I guess, hope their sons will follow in their footsteps."

Jensen picks up his sandwich, takes a bite out of it. "Yeah, that's the plan," he says finally, putting the food back down. "I guess."

Jared gives him a quizzical look and a crooked smile. "Don't sound too enthusiastic about it."

Jensen just shrugs.

"Oh, come on. You're gonna have your own publishing house one day, shouldn't you be happy about that?" 

Jensen snorts, looking at Jared's open, expecting expression. "Cause everybody loves their jobs?"

Jared makes a clucking noise, nodding. "Touché. But that's crappy jobs. I can't imagine your job to be crappy."

"It's not," Jensen replies and then smiles, because Jared might have a point. Sometimes, he forgets that a lot of people would probably love to have his job and would never understand how Jensen can whine about it as much as he does. "But I work for my dad. That's not exactly what I wanted to do with my life."

"What did you want to do with your life?" Jared cocks his head to the side, pointing at Jensen with a fry before plopping it into his mouth.

"I -- I don't know. I always knew I'd go into publishing."

"Yeah, well, I didn't ask you what you'd knew you'd become. If this isn't what you wanted to do, you must have had something else you wanted to become, right?" 

Jensen chuckles. "Sure. Become famous. Singer, actor; that kind stuff," he replies with a shrug.

Jared gives him a long, pointed look before shaking his head. "Everybody dreams about those things, man. I'm talking something real here, something you loved."

Jensen rips the last the last part of his sandwich into two pieces, popping one into his mouth and chews thoughtfully. What did he want to become when he was younger? Jensen can't remember ever having a dream job. He's never been like Josh, who'd watch endless medical shows on TV and tell everyone he'd be the best doctor ever one day, or like Chris and Steve who've been making music for as long as Jensen's known them. Jensen's only ever loved one thing. 

"I always loved books," he admits.

Jared's eyes crinkle and after a short moment, a chuckle escapes him. "One might say you'd be perfect for a job in publishing then, huh?" he teases, and Jensen wants to reach across the table and tuck the stupid, messy lock of hair that's falling into Jared's eyes behind his ear. "So what's the problem then?" Jared prods and Jensen curls his hand into a fist, telling himself he's not going to turn into a complete creep and just _touch_ a guy who barely knows him. No matter how soft Jared's hair looks and how adorably he smiles, dimples and all.

"I don't want to be my dad," he replies after a short moment of hesitation, and Jensen has no idea why he's telling a virtual, albeit attractive, stranger all of this. He looks at Jared, waiting for a reaction.

"Doesn't mean you can't want his job," Jared finally says.

"It's not that easy."

Jared shakes his head, sitting back and looking at Jensen with a smile. "Why not? You know what I think the problem is with most things? It's not that they're not easy, it's that people like to complicate them. You're you, Jensen, you're not gonna be like your dad just because you'll have the same job he has one day." Jared gestures at Jensen. "You say you love books and you have this great opportunity to lead a publishing house and you know, take it where you want it to go."

Jensen stares at Jared for a moment, surprised. "Maybe," he admits. He should tell Jared that it's none of his business, that he doesn't know Jensen, but instead he feels hope spring up inside him, like maybe things really can work out for him. He forces himself to look carefree and shrugs. "Anyway, what about you? I assume you don't wanna be a waiter for the rest of your life?"

He wishes he could take the question back as soon as it's out, but Jared just throws his head back and laughs. "It's not a fulltime thing. I'm a student actually."

"Studying what?"

"Veterinary medicine," Jared says. "We had this dog when I was a kid, Bandit, and he was hit by a car when I was ten or something. We took him to the nearest animal clinic and it wasn't life threatening, just a couple of cracked ribs, but I wouldn't stop crying. And then this doctor came out and kneeled down next to me and she promised me she'd fix Bandit, and I've wanted to become a vet ever since." He lets out a short, embarrassed laugh and shakes his head before he gestures around the café with a grin. "This is definitely not what I wanna do forever."

"Good. I mean, this would be good, too, if it was what you wanted, but --" Jensen trails off, feeling himself flush a little. Foot in mouth syndrome - Jensen apparently has it around cute guys. 

Jared just grins. "Don't worry, man, I get what you mean. And really, bringing people their food? Not the most awesome job," he admits with a casual shrug. "This is just so I can afford food myself and don't have to starve."

Jensen chuckles. "Would be a shame if you did."

"Hmm," Jared hums and stuffs the rest of his burger into his mouth. He's grinning at Jensen while he licks off his fingers. "Good to know you think so."

Jensen just nods, probably looking like an idiot, but he can't tear his eyes away from Jared's tongue flicking over the tip of his fingers and the teasing smile. 

"I actually have to get back to work in a minute, or my boss'll kill me," Jared finally says, wiping his fingers on the apron he's wearing.

"Oh. Yeah. I should probably head back soon as well." 

He feels a little disappointed at the thought of going back to work, sitting at his desk when he could be sitting here with Jared. 

"Cheer up, princess," Jared teases, but the wide, encouraging smile is genuine and Jensen nods. 

"I'll try," he replies.

"And hey, maybe you could give me your number? We could hang out some time, if you wanna?" Jared looks unsure, all traces of the confident swagger from before gone. It makes him look younger, and Jensen's heart skips a beat.

Internally he's doing a little happy dance, relieved that Jared actually wants to see him again outside of his work. He schools his expression to what he hopes is casual and nods. 

"Sounds great," he says. 

When he leaves, Jared's number is programmed in his cell, and when he turns back around a final time, Jared's watching him through the window and waves. He goes back to work with a smile on his face and more motivated than he has been since he started working at _Ackles Publishing_. He works steadily, and he's surprised when Aubrey knocks on his door, purse in her hand, and tells him half the staff has already left.

~

Danneel hooks her arm through Jensen's, her heels clicking loudly against the pavement as they walk down the sidewalk. "Okay," she says, smiling widely. "Next up, shoes."

"You have a whole closet full of them," Jensen sighs. 

The straps of the full bags he's carrying are digging into his hand uncomfortably and he just wants to sit down, have a coffee, and rest for a few minutes. 

"I need new ones that go with the red dress I just bought."

"You have tons of shoes to wear with red dresses," Jensen says. 

"Well, I wanna wear the dress to Adam's engagement party, and I can't show up wearing shoes I've already worn a million times. Plus, it needs to be something that accentuates the dress, but doesn't take any attention away from it."

"Adam?"

"I dated him for a couple of months a few years back? Tall, blonde, kind of an idiot. You probably don't remember him," she explains with a shrug, and then grins. "I need to look better than the wife-to-be, or else I'll look like the poor, left behind ex-girlfriend who can't find somebody new."

Jensen rolls his eyes, but doesn't protest when Danneel pulls him into a shoe store. "Why bother going to the party then?"

"Because if I don't, people will think I'm bitter and not over him," she says seriously, giving Jensen a disbelieving stare, before smiling at the salesperson hurrying over and waving her off. "You know how these things work."

Jensen shrugs, looking at the rows of shoes. "None of my exes ever got engaged. At least none that I know of."

"Like you still talk to anyone you ever dated," she replies, holding up a pair of shoes, waving them in front of him. 

Jensen makes a face when he sees the many straps and heels that could probably kill people. He's not sure how she can walk a straight line in shoes like that, much less keep them on for hours. Jensen has a hard enough time wearing dress shoes all day. 

"What's wrong with them?" Danneel asks, after catching sight of his face. 

"Everything. And I do still talk to some guys I dated."

"Right. Apart from the fact that you haven't seriously dated someone in forever, all of your past relationships ended horribly. Maybe because you always go out with assholes."

Jensen opens his mouth to protest, but Danneel's not exactly wrong. All of his past boyfriends tended to be self-centered and spoiled, and none of his relationships ended on a good note. Sometimes he thinks that's the reason he's become weary of dating lately, because all the men he meets are the same. Except deep down, underneath all the pessimism and weariness that's bottled up, there's still the teenager who thought he'd find the perfect person one day and live happily ever after. 

"Actually," Jensen says and holds up a classy, black high-heeled shoe. Or at least he hopes they are classy and will meet Danneel's standard. "I met somebody."

"Yeah?" she asks, taking the shoes from Jensen and considering it for a moment before nodding to herself. "Someone I know?"

"No. I met him at a café." Jensen watches Danneel pull out a carton with the right size and sit down on a nearby chair with them.

"Hmm. And? I want details, Ackles."

"He's a waiter." He smirks when Danneel looks up in surprise, her eyebrows arched. "Well, student," he amends. "But he works in the café. We talked, exchanged numbers."

"Have you asked him out yet?" 

Jensen shrugs. "Not yet. I don't even know if he's into guys. And even if he is, he might not be interested in me."

Danneel snorts. "Please, Jensen. He'd be an idiot to just want to be your friend," she says and stands back up, walking a few steps in the shoes and looking down at them critically. "What d'you think?"

"They look good."

"Hmm, they really do. Would work well with the dress, too," she says. "So, back to the new guy. What's his name? And more importantly, is he good-looking?"

"Yeah. He is," Jensen says, smiling involuntarily, thinking of Jared's dimples and messy hair. One conversation, he reminds himself silently, that's all they had. He shouldn't be this way, crushing on someone he doesn't know and getting his hopes up.

"You got it bad, huh?" Danneel asks, her voice softer, and she smiles at Jensen when he looks at her. 

"I don't really know him. He's just -- Jared's different."

"Then call him and ask him if he wants to hang out. And if you're not sure he wants more, then make him want it," Danneel advises. 

"And how would I do that?" Jensen asks. 

Danneel sighs exaggeratedly, taking off the shoes. "Woo him, you idiot."

Jensen makes a face and shrugs. "I'm not the roses and chocolate kinda guy."

"You think that's how you woo somebody? Christ, Ackles." She laughs and gives Jensen a pitying look. It's amazing how she can do both at once, but she's had years of practice. "Anybody can do that, you idiot. You have to show him you actually care. Be his friend, pay attention to him and be interested. That's a lot more appealing than roses and chocolate, believe me."

She walks to the register with the high heels, leaving Jensen where he is, lost in thought. 

Being Jared's friend is something Jensen can do, he decides, smiling to himself.

~

"Hey," Jensen says when Jared picks up. His hands are a little sweaty and he wipes his free one down his thigh nervously. He's run the conversation through his head a million times already and he's still not sure what he wants to say. Most of all, he has no idea what he's going to do if Jared doesn't remember him, or worse, doesn't want to hang out with him. _It's just a phone call_ , he tells himself, biting his lip. No harm done, no matter what Jared says. And it's better than his plan B, which involves him going to _Café Bonheur_ and staring at Jared like some creepy stalker until Jared is the one to take the first step. "This is Jensen. The guy from the café you had lunch with?"

Jared chuckles. "I remember. Not like I ever met anybody else with the name."

"Right," Jensen laments and nods even though Jared can't see him. "So, how are you?"

"Good, good. One of my classes this semester's kicking my ass, but I'm determined to write the best paper ever just to show the prof that I will totally rise to the challenge, man."

"Okay. Umm, good luck?" 

"Thank you, I think I might need it. How about you? What's new in your life? How's the publishing world doing?"

"Everything's fine," Jensen says. "Actually, I'm calling 'cause I uh, was just wondering if you wanna hang out? Tomorrow maybe?"

Jared's quiet for a split second and when he does speak, he sounds surprised. "Really? I mean, sure, I wanna hang out, yeah."

Jensen breathes a sigh of relief and smiles to himself. "Awesome. I could really use a break from work, man." 

"I know this great pizza place not too far from my place. It's nothing special, but the food's really good. And we could watch a movie afterwards?"

"Sounds great. Yeah."

"Great. You wanna meet at the restaurant? At eight? I'll text you the exact address," Jared says, sounding happy and excited. 

"Okay, yeah, works for me. I -- I'm looking forward to it, Jared," Jensen says, and grins, meaning it. 

It's just hanging out, nothing special, but there's something about Jared that makes him more feel more excited than he has felt in a while.


	2. Chapter 2

"You don't like olives on your pizza?" Jared asks, sounding flabbergasted. He's waving the menu around and Jensen laughs helplessly.

"It's not the end of the world." 

His eyes are flitting back and forth between Jared's face and the menu he fears is going to end up flying through the restaurant any minute.

"It _is_. Just imagine we're hanging out at my place and decide to order one big pizza to share? I'd want olives, you wouldn't and we'd never agree," Jared says dramatically, pouting. 

"Horrendous," Jensen agrees, nodding sagely even as his lips twitch into a smile. "What if we pretend I'm allergic to olives? You'd be a big hero, giving up on them to save my life."

Jared cocks his head to the side, and he's grinning at Jensen and Jensen feels freaking butterflies in his stomach. It's like being a teenager with his first crush all over again, getting excited over everything his crush says or does. He hasn't felt like this in years, and he's forgotten how equally thrilling and nerve-wracking it is.

"It might work. Everyone will think I'm the most generous, selfless person ever," Jared says, and nudges his foot against Jensen's under the table. 

"Exactly." Jensen nudges him back and mentally shakes his head. 

He just went from being like a teenager with a crush to a teenager playing footsie under the table and feeling like it's the most daring thing he's ever done. When Jared grins at him though, trapping Jensen's foot between his loosely, Jensen tells himself that alone is worth it.

"At least tell me you don't mind extra cheese?"

"Hell no, I don't mind extra cheese at all," Jensen replies with a laugh.

Jared makes a thoughtful, humming noise. "In that case, I guess I don't have to cut you right out of my life again."

"Guess so," Jensen replies. 

"Are you read to order now?" someone asks from next to them and Jensen startles a little, looking sheepishly at a plump, older women standing next to their table with a pad and an amused smile.

"I'd like a pizza with extra cheese, pepperoni, salami and olives," Jared says, winking at Jensen when he finished. "And garlic bread, please."

"Same for me, just no olives please," Jensen adds. Their waitress nods with a smile and when she's gone Jensen turns his attention back to Jared.

"How long was she standing there?" he asks.

Jared shrugs with a chuckle. "Not too long. She didn't look like she minded letting us settle the issue though."

Jensen shakes his head with a smile and reaches for his beer. "You're going to ruin my carefully established reputation."

"Right, I forgot," Jared says with smirk. "You come from a respectable family. You probably have an image to uphold."

Jensen makes a face. "You have no idea."

"Seriously?" Jared looks at him with wide eyes, his voice full of surprise. "I was only kidding, man."

Jensen shrugs awkwardly. "Yeah, well, it's not that far from the truth," he admits with a humorless laugh. "Whatever you do, people always find out sooner or later and it reflects on the family and business. First time I got drunk with a couple of friends? I was sixteen, I think, and a day later, pretty much everyone from my parents' country club knew. Including my parents. And it got blown so out of proportion, like other guys that age don't do the same shit." 

Jared offers him a small smile. "Well, I won't tell anyone if you do something stupid. I'll even let you get drunk with me," he teases.

Jensen laughs. "Be careful or you'll never get rid of me again."

"That's okay," Jared says, sounding honest and upbeat, offering Jensen another one of his grins. 

And Jensen hopes he really will be a part of Jared's life for a long time to come.

~

On a Sunday three weeks later, Jensen finds himself driving to an animal shelter at eight a.m. because Jared gave him pleading looks and told him how awesome volunteering was until Jensen gave in and promised to give it a try. He's still half asleep, especially since he was at Chris's the evening before, drinking too many beers and watching bad horror movies. But despite the lack of sleep and the slight hangover he's nursing, Jensen couldn't bring himself to call Jared and cancel on him. 

"I don't get why you can't do this in the afternoon," Jensen grumbles.

"Because the animals need to be fed and there's cleaning to do before the adoption center opens at 10.30," Jared explains with the same patience as the first three times Jensen asked. "And we'll take some of the dogs for a walk. It'll be fun, you'll see. Don't be so grumpy."

"I'm not. Just," Jensen hesitates for a split moment, "I don't even know if I'm good with animals."

"You'll be fine."

"How do you know? We never had pets. Well, Mac had a hamster, but I didn't have to take care of it and that's kinda different from dogs and cats. The thing was just sitting in its cage all day. And just so you know, I don't think cats and I are compatible. My ex-boyfriend from college had a cat and the thing bit and scratched me more times than I can count," Jensen mutters, frowning because he still remembers how much that had actually hurt and the way the scratches were always red and itchy for a couple of days and holy shit, he just _came out_ to Jared. Jensen bites his lip and for a split second he glances at Jared, who has a small, amused smile on his face. "Shit. Man, look, I wanted to tell you for a while. That's not gonna be a problem, is it?"

"That a cat once bit you?" Jared asks, clearly amused. 

"That I'm gay," Jensen finally says, keeping his eyes fixed on the road.

It's been at the tip of his tongue for weeks – every time he's been with Jared, he's wanted to tell him, get it out and see how Jared reacts. He's pretty sure Jared's not homophobic, that Jensen being gay isn't going to ruin their friendship. What Jensen's really scared of is hearing Jared say that he's fine with it, but he himself is straight. Which may sound silly, but it has to do with this ridiculous hope that maybe they could be something more that Jensen's been clinging to, and he doesn't want to lose that. Sometimes, he gets the feeling that Jared's flirting with him, the way he touches Jensen and invades his personal space, the way he looks at Jensen. But he's actually impossible to read, because Jensen pretty quickly realized that Jared would hug every person he passes on the street if he could, and Jensen has no idea when Jared's just being friendly and when he's being flirty. 

"I don't think the shelter minds, no," Jared says and then swats Jensen's leg playfully and chuckles. "Relax. I don't mind, dude. Would be pretty hypocritical of me since I'm not exactly straight."

"You're not?" Jensen asks, trying to sound casual. He feels as if a weight has been lifted off his shoulders, the disappointment he'd been bracing himself for replaced by excitement. _Jared's not straight_ , he repeats inside his head, feeling a sudden surge of happiness, just knowing that things between them aren't hopeless.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Jared shrug. "I like whoever I like," he says simply.

Jensen just nods and tries to keep the grin off his face. "Okay, cool," he forces out. "And just so you know, I'm serious about the cat thing. Me and cats don't work."

"Jensen," Jared says, reaching over and placing his hand on Jensen's thigh. Jensen can feel the warmth of the touch seep through the demin of his jeans, comforting and exhilarating. "Chill out. You'll do fine with the animals. Believe me, it's not that hard. And I'm right here with you."

"If one of the dogs attacks me, I'm blaming you," Jensen warns, but he feels a little calmer.

"Fine. I can live with that, since you're not going to get attacked." 

Jared sounds so sincere, that Jensen chooses to believe him. 

Of course, it turns out Jared was right. Jared introduces him to his boss, Margaret, who looks genuinely pleased that there's one more helping hand for the day, and then they clean out cages and feed the animals for the rest of the morning. Jensen pets more dogs and cats than he has in his whole life put together and it's nice. After a couple of hours of helping around the shelter, Jared gets them two leashes and they take two of the bigger dogs out for a walk to a nearby park.

"It's not that bad, is it?" Jared asks, and he actually sounds a little nervous. 

"It's not," Jensen assures, and grips the leash tightly. 

They're across the street from the park, waiting for the light to turn green so they can cross the street, and even if Jazz, his shepherd dog, is sitting patiently next to him, he feels a little nervous that she might rush into the traffic if Jensen doesn't hold on.

"Good," Jared says, and bumps his shoulder against Jensen's as the light turns green for them.

"You do this every Sunday?"

"Yeah," Jared nods, "Sometimes I drop by if I don't have classes or work and help out a little more. But most weeks it's just on Sundays."

"God, you make me feel bad about myself just saying that."

"Honestly, I started doing this because I know it will look good on my résumé. Don't get me wrong, I love animals, but I wouldn't mind being able to sleep in on Sundays," Jared says with a shrug. "I wouldn't wanna stop doing this anymore, though."

"I guess there are worse ways to spend your Sunday morning," Jensen agrees.

Jared smiles widely, looking happy and proud, and his hand brushes against Jensen's as they walk side by side. Jensen wants to reach out and intertwine their fingers, but he doesn't dare to. The last three weeks, they've spent any opportunity they had together, but Jensen still can't tell if Jared sees him as anything but the guy he's becoming friends with.

"I'll buy you lunch later. As a thanks."

Jensen nudges Jared with his elbow. "You don't have to, Jay. Really."

"So. Maybe you wanna do this again some time?" Jared asks tentatively. "The shelters can use all the help they can get, and it's fun working with you. And you really _are_ good with the animals, you know?"

"I could come with you again, yeah," Jensen agrees, looking down at Jazz who's really walking him more than the other way around, and grins.

~

"This one," Jared says, holding up _The Ninth Gate_. 

Jensen gives Jared a suspicious look as he sets two bottles of beer and a bowl of popcorn down onto the coffee table, a smirk forming on his lips. "That's gonna be the third Johnny Depp movie in a row that we're watching."

"He's an awesome actor and he happens to be in a lot of good movies."

"Or maybe you just have a huge crush on him," Jensen says teasingly and laughs when Jared kicks his leg.

"Shut up." He plops down on the couch. "I just think he's good. And okay, he's not bad-looking, but I wouldn't watch the movies if they sucked."

"Sure," Jensen says with a grin, and pops in the DVD before joining Jared on the couch.

Jared elbows him in the side, mumbling something under his breath that Jensen can't make out, though he's sure it's some sort of insult. He chuckles and starts the movie, grabbing the beers from the table and handing one to Jared.

The moment Johnny Depp appears on screen Jensen nudges Jared. "You getting all excited there yet?" he asks.

Jared ignores him, a determined expression on his face and his eyes glued on the screen, though Jensen can see the corner of his lips twitching. He laughs, slapping Jared's thigh and settles down more comfortably.

They watch the first few minutes of the movie in silence, Jared's thigh pressed against his, both of them sprawled out on the couch, until the beeping of Jensen's cell interrupts them.

"Sorry, forgot to turn that thing off," Jensen mumbles, grabbing his cell from the table and flipping it open.

"Want me to pause the movie?" Jared's asks.

"Nah, just a text from Chris," Jensen says, skimming the message. _'show tonight. you better be there, ackles,'_ it says and Jensen sighs. "He and Steve have a gig tonight and they want me to come."

"Oh. You want to?" Jared sits up a little straighter on the couch. "We can watch the movie another time."

Jensen gives Jared an incredulous look and shakes his head. "Dude, no. I've seen them play thousands of times and I couldn't go out all night anyway. Got a meeting tomorrow morning."

"Important?"

"Not really. Just early," Jensen says with a shrug, hitting the reply button. _'can't. hanging out with jared. next time. good luck'_ , he writes and snaps his cell shut, dropping it on the couch next to him.

Jared grabs a hand of popcorn from the bowl, throwing into the mouth before picking up the whole bowl and setting it on his lap. "I won't keep you up too long tonight then," he says.

"I'm starting to think you're the one who doesn't want to be here," Jensen teases, grabbing a handful of popcorn kennels for himself.

"You're right," Jared agreed. "That's why I've been hanging out with you all the time lately. I don't really like you."

Jensen's lips twitch into a smile. "Yeah, I don't like you either."

Jared hums under his breath, putting his feet onto the coffee table. "Good to know that's cleared up."

"Yeah," Jensen says with a grin. "More beer?"

"Sure."

Jensen gets up and gets them two more beers from the fridge. 

"You got another text," Jared says when he comes back into the living room, gesturing at Jensen's cell.

"Probably just Chris again. He's never been good at taking no for an answer." 

"Are you sure you don't wanna go? He's one of your best friends, man," Jared says, looking absolutely sincere. 

Jensen knows Jared wouldn't be upset if Jensen said he wanted to see Chris play. But Jensen, in all honesty, doesn't want to. He'd much rather sit on his couch, drink beer and watch movies with Jared than hang out at some bar with tons of people, loud music and too much alcohol.

"So are you," he says without thinking, but it's true. 

They've only known each other for a few weeks, but Jared's become the person he turns to after a long day at work, because Jared will let him vent and make him laugh. Jared's who he calls when he's bored, because he can't think of anyone else he'd rather hang out with. It may seem like it's too soon, but in Jared he found something he's always been looking for. 

Jared grins widely and bites his lower lip, nodding. "Okay," he says and grabs one of the beers, going back to watching the movie without saying another word.

Jensen relaxes back into the cushions, grabbing his cell again. The message is indeed from Chris – _'ditching us to hang out with your new bff again? bring him along next time, since you 2 are apparently inseparable'_. Jensen smiles to himself and doesn't reply.

~

There's a knock on the door and when Jensen looks up, he sees his father standing in the doorway, watching him intently.

"Still working?" Alan asks, gesturing toward the desk Jensen's sitting behind. 

"There's some issues with Thompson's new manuscript. You know him, he's kinda finicky about every single detail and his agent called today with all sorts of conditions. I'm going over them right now, seeing what I can do."

"So I've got nothing to worry about? Your mother's talked me into taking a trip with her this weekend and I fear if I have to cancel on her, I'm going to have to grovel for weeks."

"It's fine," Jensen assures him. "I can handle it."

"Good," Alan nods. "You've been working hard lately."

Jensen fights back a frown and forces himself to look relaxed, waiting for a but to follow, which, surprisingly, doesn't come. "I always do," he says off handedly.

Alan looks at him for a short, silent moment before smiling a little and nodding. "I suppose so. But something's changed, Jensen. Maybe your heart's finally in your work."

He turns around and leaves before Jensen has the time to contradict him. He stares after his father for a moment, repeating the words in his head until his cell rings, ripping him out of his thoughts.

It's a text message from Misha, telling him to get his ass to the party at his place tonight. Jensen frowns, looking at the post-it notes with reminders of what he still has to do stuck to every surface of his desk, and texts back _'Can't. Work's kicking my ass. Next time.'_

He doesn't read Misha's reply until he finally gathers his things and leaves a couple of hours later. _'friday then @ andy's. you better be there, we haven't seen your ugly mug in ages.'_

He sighs softly, knowing he's not going to get out of showing up at the party. He hasn't really been out in weeks, not since he starting spending his free time with Jared instead. They're working their way through Jensen's DVD collection, spending more time talking than actually watching the movies, and Jensen's sure they've been to every hole in the wall restaurant in the vicinity of their apartments by now. 

He's been neglecting everybody else in his life, he knows that, but he can't muster any regret when it means he's been spending so much time with Jared. He doesn't regret it, but he knows he's going to have to show his face at this party or he's seriously going to piss his friends off.

Jensen gets into his car and retrieves his cell again, contemplating it before flipping it open. _'wanna go to a party with me on friday?'_ he texts Jared. hoping to get a reply soon.

He's not disappointed.

~

"I'm going to stick out like a sore thumb, right?" Jared asks. 

Jensen drives slowly, trying to stall a little. He glances at Jared, and finds him looking more amused than worried. "You're not," he assures. "It's just a party, Jay."

"A party in part of the city that makes me feel like a hobo," Jared replies with a chuckle. "There are nothing but mansions here, Jen."

"I just gotta show my face for a couple of hours, we'll have some beer and then we can get out of there. If you don't wanna go, I can go alone and meet you later?"

"I'm not backing out," Jared quickly says. 

"Good. I'm kinda glad to have you here. I think I stopped having fun at these parties years ago," Jensen admits and smiles at Jared before focusing back on the road.

He finds a parking space, the street around Andy's house already packed with cars that his neighbors are no doubt going to complain about as they always do when Andy throws a party. 

The party's already in full swing and Jensen reaches back and grabs Jared's wrist without thinking about it, leading him towards the living room and the bar. "You want a beer?" he asks, raising his voice to be heard over the music.

"Sure," Jared calls back, crowding up behind Jensen as people around them push into them. Jensen orders their drinks from the bartender, who gives him a once over and winks when he slides the bottles over to him.

"This is the weirdest party ever," Jared says loudly, trying to be heard over the music. He's looking around the room with wide eyes, his expression somewhere between terrified and amused.

Jensen makes a questioning noise, following Jared's line of sight but finding nothing out of ordinary. 

"It's like a cross between frat boy party and high society ball," Jared snorts. "Drinking games and hookups coupled with more jewelry and expensive dresses than I've ever seen in my life."

"Welcome to my life," Jensen mutters and Jared laughs, clinking the necks of their bottles together before taking a swig. Jensen mirrors him. 

Over the volume of the music and the loud chatter of people it's damn near impossible to actually hold a decent conversation. He's starting to consider dragging Jared outside or somewhere upstairs, away from all the people Jensen can happily live without talking to ever again, when he hears his name being yelled. He turns around and sees Sean, one of Misha's friends, stumble their way. He's holding a bottle of vodka and grinning at Jensen.

"Jensen, my man," he says when he's close, holding out his hand for Jensen to slap. He's being pulled into a half-hug, immediately, the scent of alcohol wafting off him. 

"Hey Sean. How're you doing?" he asks, forcing a smile onto his face.

"Ahh, good. Old man's threatening to cut me off again, but you know how that goes," Sean laughs, waving his hand around in what might be indifference or just drunk stupor. 

Jensen bites back his _'I really don't know how that goes, because I actually work'_ , but instead he just nods. "Sure."

Sean's attention isn't even on him anymore; instead he's studying Jared with curious eyes. "Who's your friend here?"

"This is Jared. Jared, Sean," Jensen introduces, giving Jared a tight smile and praying that Sean will just leave. Jensen's only ever tolerated Sean for Misha's sake, and he has no idea what Misha sees in him. They're both obnoxious, and he guesses that makes them click.

Jared shakes Sean's hand, and Jensen can see he's offering him a polite smile as Sean's eyes rake over him. "Jared," Sean repeats, voice a little slurred. "Never seen you around before. You new in town or something?"

"No. Been living here for a few years now," Jared replies with a shrug.

"Huh. And what d'you do? Look like a freaking college student," Sean scoffs, giving Jared a challenging look.

"I am." 

"Yeah? What're studying? Law? Medicine? Business?" 

Sean might be drunk, but from the amused look on his face, Jensen knows he's not that far gone and is just egging Jared on. He's not even surprised. Jared, much like he predicted earlier, does stand out, in a pair of old jeans and washed out t-shirt. He's also the most gorgeous sight Jensen has ever seen. But he knows that some people at the party, people like Sean, don't look past anything but the fact that Jared's obviously not part of their circle. 

"Sean," Jensen says, his voice harsh, and he steps a little closer to Jared. "Why don't you say whatever the hell you came here to say and get it over with?"

Sean holds up his hands, grinning. "Hey, calm down, Ackles. I'm just trying to get to know your new friend here. I'm just interested. Don't see many people like him at parties like this, you know?"

"What? You mean decent human beings? Just fuck off, Sean," Jensen answers before Jared can say anything. He feels his face heat up, both from anger and embarrassment and he grabs Jared's elbow, pulling him away. "I'm so sorry, man," he says, giving Jared a pleading look. "I swear not everyone here's like that."

Jared shrugs it off, smiling. "Can't say I'm surprised. And I don't care. I'm just here to have a few beers with a friend and enjoy myself."

Jensen nods, letting go of Jared's arm. "Sounds like a plan," he agrees.

~

They're on their third beer, ignoring the occasional looks and jabs from a few people when Jensen feels arms wrap around his waist and a sticky kiss being pressed to his cheek. 

"Hey, baby," Danneel chirps into his ear, grinning widely. She doesn't wait for an answer and turns her attention to Jared immediately. "And you must be Jared. I've heard a lot about you already."

She reaches past Jensen's shoulder and holds out her hand. 

Jared has an unsure little grin on his face as he shakes her hand. "Hi?"

"Jared, this is Danneel," Jensen says, stepping in. "My best friend. Don't worry, she's cool."

"Ah, good. In that case, it's nice to meet you, Danneel," Jared smiles, wide and more genuine this time.

"Likewise," Danneel beams and turns to Jensen, jabbing into the side with her elbow. "I already heard you two are the talk of the party. Way to go, Jensen."

"Shut up," Jensen grumbles. 

"Don't take it to heart," she declares, waving them off. "People are idiots. I for one am glad Jensen brought you, Jared. He needs more friends like you."

"Danneel," Jensen groans.

"What? I'm just calling it like I see it. Jared's a good influence on you. I mean, for God's sake, just last week you mentioned you were thinking about getting a _dog_."

"You are?" Jared chimes in, sounding excited and beaming. It makes Jensen's heart beat a little faster, seeing the look directed at him. 

He shrugs. "I don't know. I might look into it, yeah."

"Well, if you do, let me know. You're gonna want one from a shelter, right? Not from the breeders? There's nothing wrong with those dogs, but there are so many stuck in shelters and they have a way lesser chance of ever getting adopted even if they're completely healthy." Jared looks a little sheepish when he stops. "Sorry, I'm a little passionate about the topic."

"'s okay. And dude, after working at the shelter with you, I don't think I'd have the heart not to get a dog from there."

"I know, right?" Jared grins.

Danneel clears her throat. "I think I'm gonna leave you two alone now," she says with a smirk. She wraps her arms around Jensen and presses a kiss to his cheek before doing the same to a surprised looking Jared. "Don't let all these people get to you," she advises, patting Jared's arm, before she leaves.

"She's nice," Jared says, watching her leave.

"Told you. Not everybody's like Sean."

Jared grins, throwing his arm around Jensen's shoulder. "I know. You're the best proof," he says. 

Jensen hums under his breath, but keeps his mouth shut. Whatever he could say, he would probably only end up embarrassing himself. It's a little mystifying how he doesn't know how to deal with Jared paying him compliments. He's gotten his fair share of compliments in his life, even if most were either said to get into his pants or into his bank account, and Jensen's good at brushing those off. But it's when he finds people actually meaning them and not having any ulterior motives that Jensen doesn't know what to say. 

He empties the last of his beer, seeing a group of girls looking their way over Jared's shoulder. "I think we're about to be ambushed again, and this time not in the good way," he says, frowning. "Wanna get a bottle of something a little stronger and make ourselves scarce?"

"Sounds good to me," Jared nods. "You know a good place to hide out?"

"There's a pool house out back," Jensen says. 

It doesn't take long before he's talked the bartender into selling him a whole bottle of tequila and Jared follows outside, a hand on Jensen's shoulder.

The pool house is locked, so Jensen pulls Jared behind it, sliding down and watching Jared settle down next to him. The music and noise from the party is only muffled here and Jensen finds himself relaxing, his back against the cool, rough wall behind them. He cracks open the bottle and holds it out to Jared.

"No salt and lemon?" he asks, long legs stretched out in front of him.

Jensen shakes his head. "It's the good stuff. You can drink it straight up."

Jared gives him a dubious look, but takes the bottle. He coughs after his first swig, turning his head away as he pushes the bottle back at Jensen. "Jesus," he says, voice rough.

Jensen laughs. "Not much of a drinker?" he asks before taking a healthy gulp, going down much smoother than Jared's.

"I don't really have time to drink nights away with my classes, work and the shelter. I usually stick to a few beers when I go out."

"I can get you a beer from inside if you prefer those," Jensen offers. 

Jared shakes his head immediately, snagging the bottle from Jensen's hand. "'s fine. I don't have to work until tomorrow afternoon." 

They pass the bottle back and forth, chatting easily, their arms brushing together. Jensen finds himself leaning into Jared more heavily, seeking the feel of his warm body pressed against his own. He wishes he could touch Jared, feel all that smooth skin under the palm of his hand, feel the muscles flex as Jared moves. He sighs softly, putting the bottle down between their knees.

"I think I'm drunk," Jared says, words slurred.

"Lightweight," Jensen teases, poking Jared into the side. Jared laughs, grabbing Jensen's hand and holding it immobile. "Someone's ticklish, huh?"

"Shut up," Jared shoots back, yelping when Jensen reaches for him with his free hand. 

He tries getting away from the wiggling fingers and bats at Jensen's hand, but Jensen dodges his grasp, chuckling at how imprecise Jared's movements are. He lets Jared catch his wrists after a minute, both of them stilling. Jared's inches away from him, his breath hot on Jensen's face.

"Jensen," Jared murmurs, his thumb rubbing Jensen's wrist.

"What?" Jensen asks in a whisper. 

His heart is beating so loud and fast, he can feel it in every cell of his body. This is it, he thinks. Jared's so close, his lips right there and if either of them leans in, they're going to kiss. 

When Jared moves in, Jensen closes his eyes. Jared's lips brush his gently at first and then more firmly. His hold on Jensen's wrist loosens and Jensen lifts his hand, sliding his fingers into Jared's hair. They kiss slowly and Jared runs his tongue over Jensen's lower lip and, oh God, it's just as good as Jensen imagined it would be. Jared's lips are warm and soft, and it's a little uncoordinated, their noses bumping and their lips not slotting together just right, but Jensen's pretty sure it couldn't be more perfect.

"Want you," Jared murmurs into his mouth and Jensen groans. He slides his lips from Jared's mouth to his jaw, biting at the taunt skin, the stubble prickly against his lips. 

"Yeah," he agrees, and listens to Jared's breath hitch. Jared turns his head, bringing their lips back together. The gentleness of the first kiss is gone, instead Jared is kissing him almost urgently, lips and teeth and tongue. Jensen tugs at the hem of Jared's shirt, sliding one hand beneath it and runs his nails up Jared's back, feeling Jared shiver from his touch.

"God, Jen," Jared hisses, biting down onto Jensen's lower lip. "Fuck."

He throws one leg over Jensen's and Jensen moans when Jared's weight settles on top of him. He can feel the hard line of Jared's cock pressing against him through their clothes and he bucks up, cupping Jared's ass in his hands as he grinds them together. They kiss and rut and Jared's hands seem to be all over him, touching and grabbing and holding on to him, and it feels almost too good. 

"Wanna touch you," Jared whispers, fingers fumbling with Jensen's fly and Jensen presses into the hand. "Can I?"

Jensen nods, whimpering when he feels Jared's hand slide into his boxers. Jared pulls Jensen's cock out, his hand warm and almost too tight around him. He moves his hand up and down slowly, clumsily, and Jensen digs his fingers into Jared's legs, thrusting up into Jared's fist as much as he can. 

"Please, Jay, come on," he hisses. "Faster."

Jared grunts, flicking a finger over the head of Jensen's dick and Jensen bites back a moan, burying his face in Jared's neck. 

"You're so freaking hot," Jared pants, and his movements speed up, rougher and faster and oh so good. 

Jensen comes almost embarrassingly quickly, but he's too worn out to care. He feels Jared grind into his hip, feels the hard outline of a dick rubbing against him and Jared goes stiff on his lap, a low growl escaping him before he slumps forward. Jared's panting against his neck, breath hot and damp and Jensen runs his hand lazily up and down his back. 

"You good?" he asks, and Jared chuckles softly.

"Fucking awesome," he slurs, lifting his head and pressing a sloppy kiss to the corner of Jensen's mouth. Jensen tilts his head to a better angle, kissing Jared fully on the lips.

There's a sudden crash from somewhere close, followed by cursing and Jensen startles. "Goddamn fuck. Ow," a female voice mutters and Jared giggles, resting his forehead on Jensen's shoulder. "Jensen?"

"That's Dani," Jensen groans. He pushes Jared half off his lap before tucking himself back in. His cock is still smeared with his cum and it's sticky and disgusting.

"Jensen?" Danneel calls again, her voice getting louder, and the way she drags his name out is a sure sign that Danneel is completely trashed. Jensen sighs.

"Back here," he calls back, feeling Jared pull away from him just as Danneel rounds the corner. She's walking a little unsteadily, swaying.

"Hey," she says, drawing the word out. "There you two are. I've been looking for you. Misha's here and asking for you."

Jensen wants nothing more than to tell her to go away and let him stay out here with Jared. He wants to go back to kissing Jared, feel those lips against his and run his hands over Jared's body. He wants to undress Jared, take his time to get Jared off again – sweet and slow and everything he's been longing for since they met. 

"We'll come back inside in a little bit, Danneel," he says, hoping his tone is pressing enough for her to get it.

Danneel looks back and forth between them, raising an eyebrow and giggling. "Oh, was I interrupting something? I can leave."

Before Jensen can agree, because God knows he wants to, Jared starts struggling to sit up. "'s fine," he says, and Jensen sighs. 

"Yeah, it's fine," he agrees, getting up from the ground. He holds his hand out to Jared, pulling him up. Jared sways, and Jensen keeps his hand on Jared's arm.

"You okay?" he asks.

"Drunk," Jared answers and starts laughing. 

Danneel joins in, and Jensen rolls his eyes. He leads the two of them back to the house, reigning Jared back in whenever he wanders off and keeping his arm around Danneel's waist to keep her upright.

~

Jensen is lounging on his couch, still in sweatpants and a ratty, old shirt, having his third coffee of the day. He's tired and a little sluggish after a night of drinking, but there's only a slight, dull pounding in his head, which he counts as a win. And after last night, after having Jared's hands on him and kissing him, he thinks that not even the worst hangover in world could bring him down right now.

When his phone rings and Jared's name flashes on the screen, his lips stretch into an involuntary smile. 

"Hey, Jay," he greets, kicking his feet up onto the coffee table.

"Morning," Jared says, voice rough and low.

Jensen chuckles. "It's well after noon, dude. You feeling okay?"

Jared grunts. "My head's killing me and I got to be at work in a few hours. It better be a slow day or I'm gonna curl up in a corner and cry."

"Sorry," Jensen says. "I should have taken the tequila away from you a little earlier."

Jared groans, loud and painful. "Man, tequila and I? We're not friends. I can't even remember leaving the party. Just you and I sitting outside, drinking."

Jensen feels his stomach twist, ugly and foreboding. "Yeah? Uh, well, Danneel came out eventually and you know, we went back inside." 

"Huh. Can't remember talking to her again. Last I remember is you and me discussing Star Wars, I think, or maybe Lord of the Rings. Some movie, at least, and then nothing, man," Jared says. "Tell me I didn't do anything stupid."

Jensen swallows, his fingers picking at his sweatpants at his knee where the cloth has worn thin and remembers the feel of Jared's hands and lips. "You, uh, were fine. Nothing too embarrassing, I think."

"Yeah? That's good. I sometimes turn into an idiot when I'm drunk. Once, my friend talked me into singing an ode to chocolate chip cookies in front of, like, everyone from high school," Jared says with a laugh. "Another time I tried picking up my best friend. At least that's what she told me the next day, and you wouldn't believe how pissed she was. She didn't talk to me for almost two weeks."

Jensen bites down on his lower lip. "I can promise you there was no singing and you didn't try to pick up any girl," he says, trying to make his voice sound calm and casual and tells himself it's not even a lie. 

"Oh. That's good," Jared says with a small laugh. "Right?"

"Yeah. Of course." Jensen bites the inside of his cheek and stares at the ceiling. "Listen, man, I have some papers I need to go over and I've kind of been putting it off all morning. I really need to start working on them or my dad'll have my ass."

"Sure. I'll let you go then, man. You wanna join me at the shelter tomorrow morning again?"

"No," Jensen replies immediately. "I mean, I'd like to, but I don't have time. Sorry."

He doesn't elaborate, his mind completely blank of possible excuses. All he can think about is that last night Jared kissed him and jerked him off, that Jared came from just grinding against Jensen, and now it's like nothing ever happened. They're right back to the way they were before the party, Jensen crushing on a friend he doesn't stand a chance with. Worse, Jensen got a taste now, a taste of what it would be like to be with Jared and he's not going to get another.

He waits until Jared says goodbye before hanging up, and then he does the one thing he's always done when things start going downhill since he's been a teenager. He calls Danneel.

~

Jensen has his head on Danneel's lap, her fingers running through his hair rhythmically. On TV, the credits of the movie are rolling and Jensen sighs. 

Danneel clears her throat. "You know," she starts and Jensen turns onto his back, glaring up at her.

"Don't," he warns. "Don't try coming up with a million different explanations to make me feel better and get my hopes back up."

"Jensen," Danneel says carefully, giving him an exasperated look. "You can't give up that easily. So, he doesn't remember what you did. That doesn't mean he didn't mean it. I saw the way you two looked at each other, and believe me, he's interested in you."

"You were drunk."

"I wasn't when you introduced us," she argues.

Jensen sits up with a groan. "Danneel, you talked to us for what? A couple of minutes? You didn't say much more than hello to him, so don't tell me you were able to read his feelings that quickly. There's no sign saying that he wants to be more than my friend."

"Yeah, because friends usually make out and jerk each other off."

"We were drunk, Dani. It happens." 

Danneel gives him a long, fond look and covers his hand with hers. "Jensen. Just because Jared forgot something he did while he was drunk, doesn't mean he didn't want to do it. Just talk to him, okay?"

"And say what?"

"Tell him about last night. You could start with saying you guys kissed and see how he takes it," Danneel suggests. "Just don't keep this from him, Jen, not if there's a chance for you two."

Jensen shrugs, looking down at his hands. The thought of talking to Jared about what happened, possibly admitting his feelings, makes him want to run away as fast as he can. He's never been good at talking about his feelings, he's always preferred keeping things to himself. Danneel's called him a coward a million times because of it, but at least he doesn't give people ammunition to hurt him. And yet, he doesn't want to bury this inside and pretend it never happened. He doesn't want to be just Jared's friend, always wondering what could have been and if maybe, just maybe, Jared wasn't kissing him just because he was drunk. 

"Come on, please say you'll talk to him. Ever since you met Jared you've been so much happier, Jensen. He's so good for you. And I don't want you to just give up on that without even trying just because you're scared he'll reject you," she says and gives him a smile. "We all get rejected every once in a while. But it's worth trying."

"Fine," Jensen says with a sigh, throwing up his arms. "I'll talk to him. You happy?"

"Very," Danneel agrees. "Now, let's call take out and eat greasy fast food and get out those bags of chips I know you're hiding in your cupboards."

Jensen chuckles. "I thought we just decided that I had no reason to be heartbroken just yet?"

"You don't. But he did forget you guys hooked up, that justifies stuffing yourself with unhealthy food," she gloats, retrieving her cell from her purse with a wide grin. "Pizza? Chicken wings? What's it gonna be, Ackles?"

~

Jensen waits until Thursday. Or rather, it takes until Thursday for Jensen to finally talk himself into going to see Jared. Because he knows that Danneel is going to kick his ass if he doesn't do something soon and he's only driving himself crazy, wondering about what ifs and maybes.

He goes to Jared's after work, driving circles around the block a handful of times before finally parking across from the building. He hesitates at front door, staring at the line of bells and nametags.

He startles when the door is suddenly pulled open, a girl letting out a shriek when he almost runs into him.

"Sorry," he says sheepishly, holding open the door as she slips past him with a chuckle.

"No problem," she says, waving him off before rushing down the street, a book bag clutched in her hands. 

Jensen watches her for a moment before sighing and entering the building. He trudges up the stairs to the third floor, stopping in front of the last door down the hallway.

"You can do this," he mutters to himself, lifting his hand and knocking. He listens to the noise from inside, the heavy footsteps before the door is opened. The 'hi' dies on his lips when he finds himself face to face with a guy who is definitely not Jared nor Jared's roommate. He's Jensen's height, blond with startling blue eyes.

"Umm, hey. Is Jared there?" he asks, peering inside.

"Yeah," the guy says with a shrug, looking Jensen up and down. "Jared! You have a visitor."

"Well, let him in," Jared calls back, and Jensen sees him stepping out of a door he knows leads to the small bedroom that barely fits more than Jared's bed. "Jensen," he says, smiling widely.

Jensen gives him a forced smile, stepping into the apartment. "Hey. I just wanted to talk to you about something, but if you're busy," he waves his hand vaguely in the direction of the other guy.

"We were just about to go out," the guy says, walking up to Jared and putting his hand on Jared's arm. 

Stating his claim, Jensen thinks with startling realization. It's like straight from some cheap Hollywood flick, right down to the challenging look being sent his way.

"Oh. Jensen, this is Caden. Caden, Jensen," Jared introduces and Jensen knows him well enough to read the traces of discomfort on his face. Like he didn't want Jensen to meet this guy. Or maybe he's just unhappy that they got interrupted. "And I have a minute."

Jensen doesn't bother offering his hand to shake, and neither, apparently, does Caden. They just look at each other for a split moment, and Jensen wants to tell him that just a few days ago Jared was with him, kissed him and touched him and wanted him. Fucking much it does for him though, because it's not him Jared's standing next to now. He feels his throat tighten up, and all he wants is to turn around and run back outside. Of all the things he thought could go wrong tonight, finding some guy at Jared's wasn't one of them and he's such an idiot. Jared may have never mentioned anybody, but that doesn't mean he's single. If Jensen thinks Jared is too good to be true, tons of other people probably do, too. People who were there before Jensen, who weren't too much of a coward to ask Jared out. 

"We can talk some other time. I don't wanna hold you guys up."

Jared gives him a questioning look. "Jensen."

"No, really. I'll call you, okay?" he says.

Jared steps away from Caden, shrugging his hand off. "If you're sure," he says. "Come on, I'll at least walk you to the door."

Jensen chuckles dryly. "I can manage the few feet on my own," he replies, but Jared walks with him anyway, right behind Jensen and almost touching.

Jensen turns around outside, not quite sure what to say. This is probably one of the most awkward moments of his life. "Okay," he finally says. "Have fun, you know, on your date or whatever."

"Jensen, is everything okay? Did something happen?" Jared asks, peering down from under his bangs with concern. He reaches out, touching Jensen's arm. "I can ask Caden to leave and hang out with him some other time."

Jensen shakes his head. "Everything's fine. Really. I'll see you around, Jay."

Jared leans in, wrapping his arms around Jensen in a hug and Jensen lets himself lean into him for a moment. "Okay. Maybe we can hang out this weekend?" Jared asks, pulling away. "I've missed your pretty face the last few days, man."

Jensen looks away before giving Jared a schooled, calm smile. "Sure. I've just been busy, but I'll call."

"Okay. Bye, Jen."

"Bye," Jensen says, turning around and walking down the hallway slowly until he reaches the stairs. 

His steps speed up as he rushes down the flights of stairs and once outside he takes a deep breath. It doesn't make him feel any better.

~

Jensen doesn't call Jared the next day. He goes to work early, tells Aubrey he doesn't want any personal calls and buries himself in work. He spends half of his day dealing with people from Sales and Marketing, preparing for the printing of what they all anticipate will be one of the most profitable books of the quarter. The rest of the day he goes through his emails, talks to literary agents on the phone and works his way through the stack of papers Aubrey left on his desk.

He turns his cell off once he's at home and watches TV until it's late enough that he can go to sleep without feeling like a loser. 

On Saturday he goes back into work again, working his way through everything he didn't get to the day before. It's quieter on the weekend – less ringing phones, less chattering and less people hectically trying to get things done in time for deadlines. Jensen's always preferred working like this, with few people there to bother him.

When he leaves in the afternoon, he turns his phone back on and listens to it go off, endless text messages alerting him about voicemails. He listens to them while leaning against his car. There is one from his mom, one from Chris, two from Danneel and another few from friends. He breathes a little easier when there's none from Jared.

He sends Chris a quick text, letting him know he's still alive and just busy, and then calls Danneel.

"It lives," she crows in way of greeting.

Jensen rolls his eyes and pulls open the driver seat door, sliding inside. "Shut up," he grumbles. "I was busy at work."

"So you haven't talked to Jared yet?" she asks, sounding reproachful.

"I have." 

"Oh. You don't sound ridiculously happy, so I take it didn't go well?"

Jensen sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. "How about I get takeout and tell you all about it over dinner and a crappy movie? You busy tonight?"

"Nothing I can't postpone. Get something good though. Thai maybe? I think I feel like chicken," she says.

"Chicken it is."

"Awesome. I'll provide the booze. You won't even remember who Jared is by the end of the night," Danneel promises. 

"You're the best, Dani."

"It's what friends are for, idiot," Danneel says fondly, and Jensen feels a little bit better already.


	3. Chapter 3

Apparently, the world doesn't stop turning when you get your heart broken. 

Jensen works more than he ever has before, goes out on the weekends with Danneel and Misha and even has dinner a couple of times with his parents. He hangs out with Josh occasionally and calls Mackenzie at college, feeling bad when he realizes just how rarely they talk these days. He promises himself not to let it happen again when Mackenzie sounds genuinely happy to hear from him when he calls her the first time. 

Occasionally, he thinks of Jared. Thinks of his smile and the endless stories Jared tells and the way those hands felt on his skin. It hurts, but it's not unbearable. It's not wanting to slit your wrists or hiding in your apartment, never wanting to face the world again. It turns out this kind of heartbreak means Jensen going on with his life, feeling like something is missing. It's wanting to call Jared when he gets home from work and collapses on his couch. It's stepping out of the office building during lunch hour, trying to decide between having the burger or just a sandwich at Café Bonheur, before remembering and walking the other way. It's being at a bar and having his heart start beating faster with hope and dread all at once every time a tall guy walks in. 

It's wanting his best friend in his life, but feeling like the only way to move on and stop hurting is avoiding him.

~

Jensen's grandma used to say that life always throws you a curve when you least expect it. He still remembers the wry chuckle that always accompanied it, the way she patted his hand.

She's right.

Jensen's getting coffee at a Starbucks near his apartment, still half asleep and tapping his foot impatiently against the ground, when someone taps him on the shoulder. He turns around, excepting maybe someone from work since he's only a couple of blocks from the publishing house, but he finds himself facing a man he's never seen instead.

"Can I help you?" he asks.

"Umm, hi, yeah. I might be making a total idiot of myself, but I've seen you here a couple of times before, and I've been working up the courage to talk to you and ask you out. If you're interested. Dinner maybe or for a coffee?" the guy rambles.

Jensen opens his mouth to say he's not interested, but something inside him makes him stop before he can get the word out. Jared is the only reason he wants to say no, but he hasn't talked to Jared in a couple of weeks, and Jensen knows it's his own fault. He hasn't called Jared once and doesn't pick up when Jared calls him. He's texted Jared a handful of times, random things just to let Jared know he's alive and fine and to give excuses for the lack of contact. He pleads being completely swamped by work, which isn't exactly a lie, but certainly not a real excuse.

"Okay, yeah. Why not?" he gives in. It's time to stop pining for someone he can't have and move on. It helps that the guy is blond, shorter than Jensen and looks nothing like Jared. It doesn't matter that it's not what he _wants_. "I'm Jensen."

"Dylan," the guy, grins and holds out his hand.

It's better than having no one, Jensen repeats in his head as he shakes the offered hand and smiles.

~

Jensen hates dating. The last date he went on ended before they even got to dessert and Jensen deleted the guy's number from his cell as soon as he got home that night.

Dylan insists on planning the date since he was the one to ask Jensen out, but Jensen puts his foot down at being picked up and meets Dylan at the restaurant instead. It's a small, Italian place, and Jensen feels horribly overdressed the second he steps inside. There are two families, another couple and a group of girls in their early twenties and all of them are dressed casually enough that Jensen feels he stands out in his good pair of jeans and a pressed button down shirt. Dylan's already there, waving at him when Jensen approaches the table he's shown to. 

"Jensen, hey," Dylan beams at him. "You look good."

"Hi. You, too," Jensen replies and feels slightly better when he sees Dylan isn't dressed all too differently. At least they can stick out together that way. 

He sits down and accepts the menu he's handed with a thanks.

The silence stretches between them as they both look over the menu, and Jensen tries to think of something to say, a way to start a conversation with someone he doesn't know more than the first name of. 

"Nice place," he eventually lies, looking up. 

Dylan looks a little uncomfortable, but it changes into relief when Jensen speaks. Jensen forces a smile onto his face and God, he hates small talk. He hates first dates, being forced to focus on a person you don't know and with nobody else around to distract.

"Yeah, I like it. They have great pasta," Dylan says, pauses. "So, how was your day?" 

"Uh, good. Lots of work." Jensen shrugs. 

"Oh, what d'you do?"

"Publishing," Jensen hedges, staying vague. The last thing he wants to be getting into right now is his job and subsequently, his family. "And you?"

"I'm an artist," Dylan says with a grin. "Mostly Installation Art these days. Are you into art?"

Jensen cringes inwardly. As bad as Jensen is at anything remotely artistic, he's even worse when it comes to looking at it. His parents have always collected paintings – though Jensen suspects it's more for show than due to actual interest on their part – so Jensen figures he should at least know something about it, but he probably couldn't tell a Picasso from a first grader's crayon drawings.

"I've always been more into books and music," he says instead. 

"You should come to one of my shows sometimes," Dylan suggests. "Well, they're not _my shows_ , but some of my work is shown here and there sometimes."

Jensen forces another smile and a nod. "Sure. I'd love to," he lies. 

This is why he sucks at dating, he thinks. He's always found going on dates more tedious and uncomfortable than actually enjoyable. He's best at picking up guys at parties and kicking them out of his life just as quickly. Apart from Jared, he thinks, before quickly banishing the thought. 

This is exactly why he's here. To move on. To open himself up to the possibility of someone else. To not be a lonely loser who pines after his friend for the rest of his life.

Jensen forces himself to listen to Dylan talk about his art even if he's not sure what Installation Art even _is_ and nods when it seems appropriate. The date becomes a little less torturous when they move on to other topics, and a whole lot more enjoyable when they leave and Dylan comes back to Jensen's place. Sex Jensen can do. 

Dylan might not be the guy he wants to spend forever with, but when he rests his head on Jensen's shoulder afterwards and slides his arm around Jensen's waist, Jensen lets him. And when he asks if they can see each other again the next morning as he leaves, Jensen says yes.

~

Jensen goes on three more dates with Dylan until it sinks in that he's actually _dating_ someone. It's still casual, not quite a relationship, but it's more committed than Jensen's been in a while.

Chris and Steve laugh when they hear about it, Danneel looks torn and Misha frowns. Jensen decides not to tell Jared, because things might be getting better, but he thinks he's not quite ready to face Jared being happy for him for being in a relationship. 

He does, however, finally call Jared during one of his lunch breaks after Aubrey brings him a sandwich, ham and cheese, his usual. It's nowhere near as good as the ones from _Café Bonheur_ , the ones Jared always brings him whether he ordered them or not, and God, Jensen misses Jared. He misses them talking about music and sports. He misses Jared telling him stupid stories from work or complaining about his classes. He misses laughing and bickering and just talking to Jared. 

He pushes the sandwich away and picks up his phone.

"Jensen?" Jared asks when he picks up.

"Hey, Jay."

"Dude! It's really you! We haven't talked in forever," Jared exclaims, sounding so excited that Jensen feels guilty immediately.

"Yeah, uh, sorry 'bout that. The last few weeks were crazy."

"I noticed. You guys trying to take over the publishing business of the whole world or something? I'm starting to think you're living in your office."

Jensen lets out a short, strained laugh, looking at his desk. There are no post it notes, no stacks of papers and he knows his inbox is empty as well; Aubrey keeps telling him he's working too much almost every day. Strangely, it's become more than just Jensen looking for a distraction. Jensen can't remember ever feeling this content and satisfied at the end of the day, can't remember the last time his dad gave him impressed looks. He gets up in the morning looking forward to the day and doesn't count down the hours until he can get back home. It's a strange thing to realize – after so long, Jensen finally loves his job.

"There were just a few things I needed to get done," he says.

"And did you?"

"Yeah."

"So you'll be less busy from now on?" Jared asks, sounding hopeful. "Maybe we can do something this weekend?"

Jensen hesitates and then shakes his head to himself, glad Jared can't see him. He's dating someone else now and it's time to move on, to stop running away from Jared before it affects their friendship. 

"Think you need help at the shelter this Sunday?"

"Dude, yes! There have been way too few volunteers in the last few weeks. It's the same thing every winter. There are more volunteers in the summer, when walking the mutts outside is actually fun, but as soon as it gets colder outside everybody's suddenly too busy."

Jensen bites his lip, listening to Jared ramble and smiles. "All right. I'll pick you up on Sunday?"

"Can't wait, Jen," Jared says before they hang up.

~

Jared gives him a tight hug when Jensen picks him up, holding Jensen close for a moment too long. "I missed you," he whispers into Jensen's neck.

"Me, too," Jensen replies honestly. "I'm sorry I didn't have more time lately."

"Is okay." Jared pulls away, taking a step back and holding out a thermos. "I made you coffee. The Starbucks we usually stop by is closed for renovations or something, and I know you can't go without coffee, man."

Jensen accepts the thermos and resists the urge to hug Jared again. Jared who looks so earnest and happy and Jensen feels like he doesn't deserve this, not after avoiding Jared for so long. 

"Thank you."

"No problem." Jared shrugs it off, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jeans and giving Jensen a small grin. "I'm glad you could come today."

"Yeah," Jensen agrees. He nods towards his car. "Let's get going, yeah? You wanna drive?"

"Really?" Jared starts moving immediately, walking to Jensen's car. 

Jensen shrugs even if Jared can't see him and walks around to the passenger side. 

"Sure."

He throws the keys over the roof of the car and Jared catches them. They both get inside and Jared's smiling widely as he starts the ignition. 

"Okay, let's get going. We got tons of cats and dogs just waiting to see you again, Ackles," Jared says with a grin. "Man, it's really been too long."

Jensen leans his head against the window, body turned towards Jared a little and watches him drive as Jared fills him in on which pets have found a new home in the last weeks and how his classes are going.

"Hey, Jay," he says when Jared stays silent for a moment, concentrating on the road with a small, serious frown on his face.

"Hmm?"

"I promise it won't happen again, me going on MIA on your ass for weeks."

Jared glances at him, smiling. "Good."

~

"Ferguson is back-pedaling again," Aubrey says in a hushed voice, stepping into Jensen's office and closing the door behind her carefully.

Jensen looks up from his desk, frowning at her. "What?"

"Your dad just came back from a meeting with Ferguson and it didn't go well."

Jensen grins. "It's a little scary how you always know what's going on the second things are going down, Aubrey," he teases and watches her sit down in the chair across from him. "So, you just telling me this for no reason?"

"No. I think this would be just the right time for you to step in," she says casually.

"And what do you want me to do about it? If my dad can't get Ferguson to sell, neither can I. And it's not my job anyway."

"But you want it to be," she argues and leans forward. "Come on, Jensen, I've been your assistant since you started working here. I know you. You hated that you weren't in on the last few meetings with Ferguson."

Jensen shrugs. "So?"

"So this is the perfect opportunity for you. Your dad really wants this, Jensen, and if you're the one making it possible," she trails off with a shrug.

"Then what?"

"Then I think it's only gonna be a matter of time before your dad retires and you'll take over," Aubrey says. "And I'll be the CEO's assistant."

Jensen laughs. "Now I see where this is coming from."

Aubrey grins and shrugs. "Sue me. Honestly though, Jensen, just think about what I'm saying."

"You really think I can find a way to buy out Ferguson when my dad couldn't?" he asks.

Aubrey gets up and rights her skirt. "I do," she says and winks at him before leaving.

Jensen chews on his lower lip thoughtfully, rolling it between his teeth and then opens blank web page, typing in Steve Ferguson into the little search box. Can't hurt to look into it, he thinks.

~

Aubrey winks at him as Jensen passes her desk, adjusting his tie with one hand while he holds papers in the other.

"Good luck," she says. 

Jensen grins and nods. "I'll do my best."

His dad and Daniel are waiting for him in his father's office, deep in discussion. For months, Jensen's felt nothing but dislike whenever he's been faced with Daniel, felt like the other man was a threat to him, but he feels oddly smug suddenly.

"Hey," Jensen says, closing the office door behind him as he nods at both Daniel and Alan.

His father's greeting is clipped and tense and Jensen sits down on the couch.

"So, Ferguson doesn't want to sell?" he asks, even though he already knows the answer. 

Alan sighs loudly, pinching the bridge of his nose. "He's having doubts about selling to another publishing house. He wants to think about finding someone to take his position instead."

"He's built up his own business and he doesn't wan it to just become part of someone else's now," Jensen says with shrug. "Anybody would feel that way."

"So we offer him more money," Daniel says casually.

"We're already offering him a price that's more than generous," Alan says with shake of his head. 

"How much more could we afford to pay?" Daniel asks and Jensen sits back, already knowing the answer.

"It's not about what we can afford. It's about this still being a sound business decision. I know I've been working for this for a while, but as much as I want it, I'm not going to shell out more money to Ferguson than his publishing house is worth," Alan argues. 

Jensen sits up a little straighter, clearing his throat. "Why don't we approach him differently? Ferguson's afraid that everything he worked for will become part of _Ackles Publishing_ and he'll be completely forgotten. Money isn't the issue for him."

"I'm not letting him have a say in my business, if that's what you're getting at. I want to buy him out. A merger is not an option."

Jensen shakes his head. "I know, I wasn't going to suggest that. Aubrey and I did some research on Ferguson yesterday. He has a grandson he adores who is studying graphic design." 

Jensen hands his father the pages he printed out, an interview Steve Ferguson did a few years ago, the parts where he talked about his family and grandson and how they're the most important part of his life underlined with bright, yellow marker.

"I know," Alan says, looking at Jensen impatiently.

Jensen smiles. " _Ferguson Books_ is substantially smaller than _Ackles Publishing_. They don't have their own art department, and have to work with freelancers and a couple of agencies instead."

"What are you getting at, Jensen?" Alan asks. The impatience is still there, but Jensen can hear the note of curiosity. 

"We could offer his grandson a job once he's out of college, make Ferguson feel like the publishing business stays part of his family. We'll both get what we want this way."

Alan cocks his head to the side, stays silent for a moment. "It's not a bad idea. Ferguson has always been more of a family man than he's ever been a business man."

"You think that's all it's gonna take? Offer his grandson a job?" Daniel asks with scoff.

Jensen gives him a look. "Yes. I do," he says simply.

"So we're just going to give some kid a job, just because of his name?" Daniel shoots back. 

"I've looked into it. He's one of the best in his major and very talented. I wouldn't suggest this if I thought it would be a bad decision in the long run."

Alan nods. "Good job, Jensen. I'll look into it and then I'm going to see if we can get another meeting with Ferguson."

"Invite him to dinner at our place," Jensen says. "It'll be a warmer setting."

Alan claps him on his shoulder as Jensen leaves the office, looking deep in thought already, and Jensen gives Aubrey two thumbs up as soon as her desk comes into view.

~

The next Friday, Jensen has dinner with his parents, Steve Ferguson and his wife. Daniel isn't attending and Jensen smiles all through dinner.

A week later, they sign the contracts. 

Jared's the first person Jensen calls and Jared drops by his place that evening with a cheap bottle of champagne and pizza.

He goes out with Dylan the next night and forgets to even mention the deal. He tells himself it's just because they never really talk much about Jensen's work anyway.

~

Jensen goes to the gym with Misha semi-regularly. It's only semi-regularly because Misha tends to find other, more interesting things to do and ditches their get-togethers more often than not, so Jensen ends up working out alone. When Misha does show up, he doesn't work out anyway. He just likes being able to say that he went to the gym, and apparently finds it interesting to observe people's social behavior, whatever that means. Jensen really doesn't care much for Misha's reasons, but it's fun to have someone to chat with while lifting waits or running on the treadmill.

Jensen's lifting weights, sweat running down his temple and his muscles burning, and Misha's sitting on the empty bench next to him, watching intently. Jensen keeps throwing him quizzical glances, but Misha either doesn't notice or doesn't feel prompted to answer Jensen's unasked question as to what the fuck he's doing. Misha's an observer, and Jensen has never minded that until now with the looks directed at him instead of the other random gym goers.

"What?" he finally snaps, pushing the weights back onto the rack with a groan. 

His muscles are aching more than usual and he blames all the pizza and the few beers too many he had with Jared the night before. He sits up slowly, grabbing his towel and wiping down his face and neck.

Misha shrugs. "Nothing."

"Misha," Jensen warns, getting up. "Seriously, cut it out. Freak."

"Fine. If one of your oldest and dearest friends looking at you makes you feel uncomfortable, I'll try not to do it again. I'll just shield my eyes whenever you're in my field of vision."

Jensen groans. Arguing with Misha never accomplishes anything but making you want to slam your head into a wall. "Whatever. Just. Stop looking at me like I'm a freaking zoo animal," he mutters, slinging his towel over his neck and walking to the treadmills. 

He doesn't have to look back to know Misha's following him.

"Interesting analogy," Misha says, sounding serious. "Hey, did you know that dolphins are one of the few animals who mate for reasons other than reproduction? They even show sexual interest in other species and inanimate objects."

Jensen stops and gives Misha a look. "What?"

"Dolphins. They have a crazy sex drive, man. On the bad side of things, they averagely only last twelve seconds until ejaculating," Misha explains, looking strangely fascinated and amused all at once. Jensen just stares, and Misha sobers up pretty quickly. "I'm reading a book on animal mating habits. I really recommend it. It's always interesting to see just how alike humans and animals are when it comes to basic things like sex."

Jensen snorts, shaking his head. "Yeah? You only need twelve seconds, too?"

"Funny," Misha huffs. "Your sex life's much closer to that of animals than mine, dude. Really, I see a lot of similarities between you and dolphins."

"I'm definitely not into other species or inanimate objects." Jensen steps onto the first free treadmill and adjusts the speed as he starts running.

"Right. You're in a relationship now. How's that going?" Misha asks, leaning against the front of the treadmill and peering up at Jensen. There's no trace of mockery in his voice, just serious interest.

Jensen rolls his eyes. "Fine."

"You know, Jen, I always thought you were just really picky, but that one day the perfect guy would walk into your life and you'd settle down with him. Just like that." Misha snaps with his finger. "Now you settled for someone who you're not even interested in."

"We're getting to know each other," Jensen shoots back, forcing himself to keep running at a steady pace. "And Dylan's a good guy."

"And you know who's a great guy? Jared." Misha sighs softly, placing his hand on Jensen's arm. "Jensen, we just want you to be happy. What you're doing isn't even settling for second best, man, it's just _settling_. Period. At least find someone you actually like."

Jensen looks away. "I like Dylan fine."

"Do you think you'll ever love him?" Misha asks in a gentle voice. "Since you started dating Dylan, how much time have you actually spent with him and how much have you spent with Jared, huh? I know you wanna move on, man, but honestly? You're just stringing Dylan along so you can pretend there's someone and Jared's just your friend. Don't be that guy, Jensen."

Jensen doesn't answer and starts walking again.

~

When Jensen gets home, there are five messages on his answering machine. One from Dylan, telling him a few of his pieces will be showcased in an exhibition next week and asking if Jensen would be interested in coming.

The other three are from Jared. Jared, who called three times because the answering machine cut him off the first two before he was done. Jensen grins and presses play.

"Hey Jen. It's me. Man, I walked home from classes today and took a shortcut, which turned out to not actually be a shortcut but whatever. Anyway, I passed this old movie theater and they show classics there, and dude, they're showing _Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid_ this Saturday. I used to love that movie when I was younger. First time I saw it was with my dad. God. And I've never seen that in an actual movie theater. So, we're going together. You're not allowed to say no. Seriously, our friendship depends on this, you hear me? I'll beg on my knees if I have to an- _beep_."

Jensen shakes his head, grinning to himself and skips to the next message.

"Hey, me again. Machine cut me off. So, we're going. Call your secretary or assistant or whatever Aubrey's called and make sure you're free. It's going to be freaking awesome. I'll smuggle candy inside, 'cause the prices there are insane. I'll even take you to a bar and buy you a beer afterwards. Pleeease? Oh and hey, did I leave one of my textbooks at your place? Can't find it anywhere and it's driving me insane. Those things cost a fortune and if I lost it and have to buy a new one, I have to skip lunch and dinner for, oh, the next century or something. Can you look around? I'm calling – _beep_."

Jensen laughs.

"Sorry, sorry. God, I suck, I know. Anyway, I'm calling you later tonight, okay? And remember, you have to come with me on Saturday even if you don't want to 'cause that's what best friends do. So anyway…love you. Bye."

The last part is spoken softly, as if Jared was hesitant to say it. 

"Me, too," Jensen says softly, looking down at the answering machine. He presses the rewind button and plays the last three messages again, leaning against wall with his eyes closed and letting Jared's voice wash over him.

He tried avoiding Jared. He tried dating someone else. He tried telling himself he was getting over Jared. 

Truth is, he's still in love with him.

Three hours later, Jensen's standing in front of Dylan's place, nerves making his stomach churn as he knocks. Dylan opens the door, clothes and hands covered with splotches of paint. 

"Jensen. Did we have a date I forgot about?" he asks, grinning widely and ushering Jensen in. 

He seems so genuinely happy to see Jensen that Jensen wants to turn around and flee. 

Dylan lives in a loft that's mostly his art studio, with a makeshift bed in one corner of the room and a ratty couch and table serving as a living room, and Jensen sits down on the couch gingerly. 

"Actually, I came to talk."

Dylan's face falls. "Oh," he mutters. "Okay. Let me just wash my hands and I'll be right back, okay?"

He doesn't wait for an answer, and Jensen watches him retreat into the small bathroom. He leans back on the couch, pinching the bridge of his nose. The place smells like paints and turpentine and Jensen can feel the headache forming already.

Dylan comes back, giving Jensen a weak smile and sitting down at the other end of the couch. "Don't you at least want to take your coat off?" he asks.

Jensen frowns and shakes his head. It's too warm inside the apartment, but he wants to be able to get up and leave as soon as they're down talking. "I'm not gonna stay long."

"I figured," Dylan says with a snort.

"Yeah. Look, you're a good guy and I like you."

"It's not me, but you?" Dylan interrupts him, giving Jensen a hard look, his jaw set.

Jensen sighs and runs a hand over his face. "I know it sounds cliché, but man, I swear it's true. You're smart and nice and you deserve someone who can appreciate that."

"Why can't you?" Dylan asks, and the anger's gone from his voice, replaced by something more desperate. 

Jensen bites his lower lip. "Because… Because I need somebody who tells me when I'm being a stubborn idiot, who makes me go after the things I want and knows me better than I even know myself. Someone who looks right through all my bullshit and gets me. Someone who's loud and boisterous and the kindest person I've ever met, and who makes me laugh just as much as he can annoy the hell out of me. Who stops eating pineapples for me and makes me want to rescue freaking dogs and --"

"You're in love with someone else," Dylan whispers, not meeting Jensen's eyes, and Jensen can't remember the last time he felt like this much of an asshole.

"I'm sorry," he says. "You'll find somebody better."

Dylan doesn't answer and after a moment of silence Jensen gets up and leaves quietly. Outside, he leans against the brick wall of the building and gets his cell phone out, dialing Jared's number.

"Jensen. You calling me to tell me you'll go watch the movie with me?" Jared greets, sounding hopeful and Jensen knows he's pouting and making pleading eyes even if he knows Jensen can't see him.

"You think we can smuggle alcohol into the theater?"

"We can try," Jared says conspiratorially, sounding amused. "So you're in?"

"When does it start?" Jensen asks.

~

A week later, there's the annual Christmas party for _Ackles Publishing_ at his parents' house. Jensen puts on his best suit and fakest smile, and takes Danneel.

"You should have asked Jared to come with you," she says, her arm hooked through his.

"Yeah, awesome idea. Show up at my parents' Christmas party with a man I have unrequited feelings for. That'd go over well," Jensen mutters and snags two glasses of champagne from a passing waiter.

"And showing up with me every year when everyone knows you're gay is better?"

"For the sake of my sanity, yes," Jensen shoots back. 

Danneel sighs loudly and then perks up. "There's your brother, Jen, and his wife. She looks very --"

"Pregnant," Jensen deadpans, following Danneel's line of sight. Josh is standing with Mackenzie and her date and a group of their parents' friends, his arm around Allie, both of them smiling widely.

"I was going to say happy, asshole. Look at them," she says. "When's the baby coming?"

"Two months."

Danneel turns back to him, grinning widely. "You're gonna be an uncle."

He shrugs, but can't hold back the smile that betrays his excitement. "I know."

Danneel's face turns more serious and she gives his arm a squeeze. "Well, your nephew, or niece, whichever it's going to be, will be one lucky kid."

"Shut up," he mutters, but leans down and kisses Danneel's cheek. "Come on, I promised you we'd dance."

Danneel just grins knowingly and lets him lead her to the open space where people are waltzing. 

The evening passes pleasantly, to his surprise. He spends most of the night dancing and talking to people from work and Josh. Halfway through the night, he loses track of Danneel, who's been eyed by several men the whole evening so he figures she's in good hands somewhere. He makes his way to the buffet table instead, where new dessert trays have just been spread out. 

He's swallowing down the first fork full of chocolate tart when someone calls his name and when he turns around, he sees him mother coming his way. 

"Hey, mom," he says, leaning down to kiss her cheek. "Great party, as always."

"Thanks, sweetie. We decided to go with a different string quartet this year and everybody seems to love them," she says and then winks at him. "At least us old people."

"They're not bad," he admits.

"So you're having a good time? I saw you brought Danneel."

"Don't I always?"

His mother looks hesitant, shrugging. "Well, yes. And you know we adore her, but I thought maybe this year things would be a little different."

"What are you talking about?"

"I heard you were seeing someone. I kind of expected you to bring him, to be honest."

For one split second, Jensen thinks she's talking about Jared, and then he remembers Dylan. The guy he actually _dated_. He knows he should feel guiltier for leading Dylan on when he's so obviously in love with someone else, but all he feels is a dull throb of resignation. He should have known all along that he was only fooling himself into thinking he could move on from Jared any time soon.

"It didn't work out," Jensen answers, and it doesn't really matter what his mother heard, whether it's Jared or Dylan he was seen with, because it's true on both accounts.

"Oh, I'm sorry, darling," Donna says and she sounds sincere, looking at Jensen with so much empathy that Jensen's heart clenches. He wishes he was a kid again and his mother hugging him and telling him everything would be all right would somehow make everything better.

He gives her a small smile. "We just weren't compatible, I guess."

"Yeah, it happens. But what's that saying? You've got to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince? It'll happen, Jensen," she says, patting his arm. "Maybe there's someone nice here tonight?"

"Mom, no." Jensen shakes his head emphatically. "Not tonight. I just want to finish this cake, dance a little more with Danneel, and go home."

She makes a humming noise, studying him before nodding with a wide smile. There's a look on her face that Jensen can't quite place and he hopes he's not in for any surprises. 

"Well, you think you can work in dancing with your mother as well?"

Jensen smiles, putting down his plate and holding out his arm. "Mom, would you want to dance with me?" he asks and she laughs.

"I would love to, sweetheart."

He dances with his mother for two songs and then with Mackenzie for two more, interrogating her about the guy she brought, before excusing himself and slipping out of the room. The whole downstairs area of his parent's house is open to guests, people milling everywhere, apart from the kitchen and his father's study. Jensen knows where the spare key is hidden though and he slips into the study, crossing the room and opening the door to the patio overlooking his mother's rose garden. Other parts of the yard are accessible from other rooms of the house, and Jensen can hear muffled laughter and conversations, but this part is limited. Jensen breathes in deeply, enjoying the peace and quite and steps outside. 

He retrieves a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from the inside pocket of his jacket and lights one. Almost instantly, he feels himself calm down and he leans against the wall, closing his eyes and savoring his cigarette. He's almost done when he hears the door to the study open and light floods in before the door is firmly closed again. Seconds later, his dad steps outside with a grin.

"Thought I'd find you here."

"Yeah. I just -- wanted to get away for a second."

"For a smoke," Alan chimes in. "Your mother's not gonna like it when you come back inside and smell like cigarettes."

"I have mints," Jensen replies with a shrug. "She won't notice. She's never noticed before."

His father chuckles, shaking his head. "You really think so, Jensen? She always knew you snuck out here to smoke. Your mother's harder to fool than you might think."

Jensen raises his eyebrows, momentarily stunned by his father's words. He always thought he'd been hiding his smoking habits well from his parents, and it makes him feel sheepish for having been found out even now as an adult. 

"She never tried to stop me."

Alan chuckles, steps out further onto the balcony. "You're stubborn as a mule. And after some of the stunts your brother pulled when he was younger, you get used to a lot. You weren't a kid anymore when you started, we couldn't have stopped you if we tried."

Jensen doesn't say anything, just drops his cigarette and stomps it out with his foot. 

"I actually wanted to talk to you about something," Alan says. "I've been talking to your mother and some people from the board lately and I think it's finally time I step down."

Jensen looks up, startled, and feels his heart beat speed up with expectation and dread suddenly. "You do?"

"Your mother's been trying to talk me into taking things easier for a while, spending more time with her. We've been talking about taking a long trip to Europe for a while, making up for all the time I've been to busy at work. We're not getting any younger, after all," his father says with a shrug, looking a little wistful. "I've spent too much time working and not enough with your mother."

"She's never begrudged you that," Jensen says softly, feeling a sudden pang of sadness when he hears the regret in his father's words. 

"Oh, I know. She's a remarkable woman, your mom, and I'm not complaining. I've always loved my work, but I think she deserves to have me to herself now."

"That's great, dad," Jensen agrees. "So, what about the publishing house? Who's gonna take over?"

His stomach clenches with a moment of panic that maybe he's not going to get the answer he's hoping for. He wants this, he really does, and he owes that realization to Jared. 

Alan looks surprised, before letting out a soft chuckle. "I would think you, unless you don't want the job."

_Him._ Jensen takes a slow breath and meets his father's eyes. "Of course I do." 

His father smiles, nods. "I was hoping you'd say that. So I guess I can let the board know about the plans?"

"Yes," Jensen nods. 

He's not sure what to do now, feels kind of weird for being told he's going to take over his dad's company at a party. He's always envisioned that, if it happened, it would be in some stuffy boardroom, something more formal than this. 

Alan steps forward suddenly, closing the gap between them and clapping Jensen on the shoulder before pulling him into a rough hug. "I'm proud of you, Jensen," he says, and for second, Jensen wraps his own arms around his father and feels all tension leave his body. 

This isn't a CEO handing over his company to his successor, he realizes, this is a dad handing over the family business to his son.

"Thanks, dad," Jensen replies. "I'll do my best."

Alan pulls back and Jensen feels a lump in his throat when he sees the tears in his father's eyes. "I know you will," his dad says with a nod.

~

"I should have held on to you when I had the chance, Mr. future CEO," Danneel says and Jensen can hear the grin in her voice. He keeps twirling her around the dance floor, laughing softly.

"And when was that?"

"When we were eight. You kissed me during recess, remember?" she asks.

"And I never kissed a girl again. I think I only kissed you cause you always wore the prettiest dresses anyway. You never stood a chance," he teases and yelps when she pinches him.

"You're breaking my heart, Ackles. I guess I'll have to keep looking for some other gorgeous, successful guy."

"We can look together," Jensen replies.

"I think recent events have proven that you should move on from Jared first before trying to date someone else."

"Ouch. That was harsh," Jensen complains. He rests his cheek on top of Danneel's head, feeling her soft hair brush against his skin. "And it's easier said than done."

"You'll get there," she promises. "And Jensen?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm proud of you," she says, pulling back to look into his eyes.

"I keep hearing that tonight." He pulls her closer again. "Thanks though."

The song ends and Jensen steps back, clapping along with everyone else on the dance floor. "Want another drink?" he asks Danneel, taking her hand as they pass people on their way off the dance floor.

"Beer would be good," she says and Jensen laughs.

"Yeah, don't think they have that."

"First thing you should change once you take over. Beer at cooperate parties."

Jensen laughs, nodding as he looks around for a waiter to flag down. He spots one not to far away, with a half full tray of champagne, when he hears a familiar laugh and turns around. It's the laugh he remembers from when he was younger, his father's laugh, loud and carefree, and Jensen feels like he's a kid again. His parents are standing a few feet away, with Harry and Margot Morton, and all of them are laughing. His father's arm is wrapped around his mother and she's looking up at him and they're so genuinely happy, it makes Jensen's breath catch. 

"Jensen? You okay?" Danneel asks and Jensen turns away from the sight of his parents, looking down at Danneel.

He swallows and nods. "Fine. Just -- my parents. They look really happy."

Danneel gives him a puzzled look. "Well, yeah. It's a good party."

"Yeah," Jensen mutters, distracted, before shaking it off. "Let's get a drink."

~

Jensen's up early the next morning, his head swimming with last night's events. He makes coffee and sits down on the windowsill overlooking the city. It's one of his favorite places to just sit and think – or brood as Danneel always says.

All these years, he's been wishing for his life to be different, wanting to become his own person, he thinks. And the only thing that was really standing in the way was himself. He's been such an idiot, making himself unhappy when things could have been so easy. 

_'You know what I think the problem is with most things? It's not that they're not easy, it's that people like to complicate them.'_ Jared's words echo in his head, and Jensen shakes his head with a grin. Jared's too freaking smart for his own good – he's had Jensen figured out right from the start, and he's never been afraid to let Jensen know. He wonders if things would be different if he hadn't met Jared, and snorts.

"Of course they would be, you moron, he's the best thing that ever happened to you," he says to himself and leans his head against the glass pane. And you've been pushing him away, he thinks. 

He empties his coffee mug and refills it, and by the time the pot is completely empty, Jensen finally feels ready to face the day. To face Jared. It's time to actually talk to Jared, once and for all.

He gets his phone and lies down on the couch before dialing.

"Jensen," Jared greets, sounding happy. "Hi."

"Hey, Jay. How're you doing?"

Jared makes a distracted, humming noise and Jensen hears the clacking of a keyboard. "Just studying."

"Right. You're in the middle of your exams. How many are still left?"

"Two. One on Monday, and the last on Wednesday. Man, I can't wait to be done with them. I'm so sick of spending every minute I'm not working or at class studying. I don't even have time for the shelter tomorrow morning, man."

"Just a few more days, Jay," Jensen comforts, smiling at Jared exaggerated sigh. "You going home for Christmas once you're done?"

"Nah, I'm hanging around for a few more days. My siblings aren't coming home before the twenty-third this year and I'm just gonna drive my parents insane if I'm all by myself in the house," Jared says with a laugh. "Why?"

"I wanted to talk to you. Not on the phone though. Can we meet up before you go home?" Jensen closes his eyes, feeling a little queasy. No turning back now, he thinks.

"Okay," Jared drawls the word out. 

"We could have lunch some time this week?" Jensen suggests.

"Thursday? I have the early shift at the café, so I'm done by lunchtime. You wanna meet me there?"

Jensen thinks of the café, which is usually pretty packed around lunchtime lately, the cold winter air making more people huddle in cafés for food and warm drinks. He's definitely not doing this somewhere with tons of people around. 

"How about the park a couple of blocks from the café?"

"The park?" Jared repeats, sounding surprised. "Okay."

"Good. I'll see you on Thursday then. And Jay, good luck with the exams. I know you're gonna ace them, man."

"Thanks, Jensen," Jared replies, voice warm, before they hang up. 

Jensen rests the phone on his chest and stares at the ceiling. He has five days to figure out how to tell his best friend he's in love with him.

~

The next morning, Jensen gets up early and drives to the shelter. It's the first time he's been there without Jared, and he walks into the office feeling a little unsure of himself. But once he opens the door and Margaret looks up at him like the solution to all of her problems just walked in, he calms down.

"Jensen," she says, smiling widely. "Please tell me you're here to offer to help?"

"Things that busy?" he asks, amused, and Margaret groans.

"You have no idea. Half of the volunteers are students and well, you know, exams. And apparently the flu's going around on top of it. I was starting to think I had to do everything myself today."

"Well, I'm here now. Just tell me what to do and I'll get to work."

She makes a face and looks at him sheepishly. "The cages need to be cleaned? And you can take a couple of dogs for a walk later."

"I'll get right to it, boss," he replies with an easy smile. 

Cleaning the cages is definitely Jensen's least favorite job, and he works as quickly as he can to get it over with before getting to the leashes and asking Margaret which dogs haven't been walked yet.

"Micky hasn't been yet. And we got a new dog in a few days ago, Sadie. You can take her as well."

Jensen nods and gets the dogs. Micky is tiny, but has more energy than any dog Jensen's ever known and he yaps and runs around in the park happily. Sadie is the exact opposite, huge and calm and she doesn't leave Jensen's side, looking up at him with big dark eyes every time he stops petting her.

When he gets back to the shelter and brings the dogs back to the cages, she lets out a loud whine.

"Stop it," Jensen groans. "Be a good girl for me, Sadie. I'll come back next week and take you for a walk again, okay?"

Sadie stares at him, making a soft sighing noise when Jensen reaches out to pet her one last time, butting her head into Jensen's hand and licking his fingers. Jensen looks down at her, her sleek fur and big, brown eyes, and something tugs at his heart.

When he leaves, she's walking at his side, tail wagging happily, and Jensen can't keep the grin off his face.

~

Jensen's leaning against a picnic table, hands buried in the pockets of his coat, when he sees Jared round the corner. He should be more nervous about talking to Jared, laying it all out there and getting everything off his chest. He's not exactly calm either, but Jensen still feels like things are going to be okay.

"I brought coffee," Jared says once he's close enough, holding up his hands with a paper cup in each. "I hope it's still hot. We're gonna need it since some idiot insisted on meeting at the _park_ in _December_."

"It's nice here without all the people," Jensen replies, accepting the cup he's handed. As soon as he grabs it, Jared lets go and uses his now free arm to pull Jensen into a hug. 

"It's freezing," Jared shoots back when he pulls away. "Which is exactly why every other sane person _isn't_ here."

He sidesteps Jensen and steps onto the bench, sitting down on top of the table instead of on the bench next to it. Jensen rolls his eyes, but mirrors Jared. The wooden table's hard and cold underneath him, and Jensen's glad his coat adds another layer between his ass and the table.

"So," Jared says, and raises his eyebrow. "What's up?"

Jensen takes a careful sip of his coffee and then a second, bigger gulp when he finds it has the perfect temperature. 

"Just some stuff," he replies. He's thought about how to talk to Jared, has gone over it a million times in his head, but he's never found that one perfect opener that doesn't sound completely awkward. "I don't really know where to start," he admits.

Jared gives him a quizzical smile and nudges him. "Okay, now you're worrying me. Did something bad happen?"

Jensen shakes his head. "No. No, not really. Some pretty good stuff happened actually, but that's not what I wanted to tell you."

Jared licks his lip, pink tongue darting over slightly chapped skin quickly and Jensen wants to kiss him. He wonders if he's ever going to look at Jared and _not_ feel that want. 

"So, start with the good news anyway," Jared says with a grin. "I wanna know."

Jensen shrugs, smiling softly. "Well, my dad's retiring next year and I'm gonna take over."

"Jensen!" Jared exclaims. "Dude, that's so great. It's what you wanted, right?"

"Yeah, it really is." Jensen grins. "I needed a little push in the right direction to see that, but, well, I really can't wait now, you know? My dad's been a really good CEO and it's not gonna be easy following his footsteps, but I've got some ideas of what I wanna do already. Like, I wanna give new, younger writers more of a chance. Most publishers only sign on authors who already have a literary agent and that's not completely unreasonable, but I think we need give new writers more of a chance. And man, I'm totally babbling right now."

Jared laughs, throwing his head back the way he does when he just lets himself laugh freely, and god, Jensen might be ready to start over anew, to move on from Jared, but he thinks it's impossible for his heart not to speed up a little around Jared, to not think that Jared's the most beautiful person he's ever met. 

"You're excited, man, don't feel sorry about that," Jared assures him, knocking his knee against Jensen's. "I don't think I've ever seen you this happy talking about work."

Jensen shrugs, feeling his cheeks heat up a little. He twists the paper cup between his hands, feeling the heat seep out. "Don't think I've ever been this happy about work, so -" he trails of and shrugs.

"So hey, think I'll be able to get free copies being friends with the CEO of a publishing house?"

Jensen laughs. "I think you would have been able to get free copies being friends with the CEO's son as well."

"Aww, don't tell me you totally held out on me the last few months, Ackles." 

"Shut up, asshat," Jensen grumbles and bites his cheek to stop grinning. "Anyway, I got a dog this weekend."

"No way!" Jared exclaims, and Jensen nearly drops his coffee when Jared twists around on the table and pulls him into a hug. 

Jared's nose is pushed into his hair and he can feel Jared's lips brushing against the shell of his ear. He can't help the short chuckle that escapes him as he shifts into a more comfortable position and pats Jared's back with his free hand.

"Only you'd get more excited about me getting a dog than a promotion," Jensen mumbles, and for a moment, he presses his face into Jared's neck before pulling away.

"Shut it, dogs are awesome. Oh my god, Jensen, I swear you're gonna love having a dog. Tell me about him. Her?"

"Her. And her name's Sadie," Jensen says with a shrug. 

"You got her from a shelter, right?" Jared asks, giving Jensen a hopeful look.

Jensen grins and nods. "Of course. Your shelter, actually. Last owners had to move somewhere smaller and there wasn't enough place for a big dog. She's a German Shepherd mix, so, you know, pretty big. I, uh, was at the shelter helping out and took her for a walk and man, I just couldn't leave her there."

"You're already totally in love with her, aren't you?"

"She's really gorgeous and really sweet. You, uh, you'll like her."

"Oh, you bet," Jared nods. "Can I come over and meet her?"

Jensen frowns, looking away from Jared and rubbing his hand over his knee nervously. 

Jared clears his throat. "You don't want me to come over?" he asks, all the excitement gone from his face.

Jensen bites his lower lip and gives Jared a pleading look, and feels his stomach churn. It's now or never, he thinks.

"It's not that. Remember I wanted to tell you something? Yeah, well, I'm not sure if you might, I don't know, freak out or not wanna see me for a while or something. So, just, let's not make plans right now until you listened to what I have to say, okay?" he says.

Jared looks at him seriously before nodding slowly. "Okay," he agrees. "But Jensen, come on, why would I not wanna hang out with you anymore? That's ridiculous."

Jensen lots out a humorless snort. "Just. Don't say that just yet, Jay."

Jared puts his coffee cup down next to him, before clasping his hands in his lap and looking at Jensen intently. "Okay, shoot. Just say whatever it is and I'll tell you you're being an idiot."

Jensen gives him a wry smile before taking a deep breath. "Remember the party you went to with me a couple of months ago?"

"Yeah," Jared nods.

"You asked me the next morning if you did anything stupid, and," Jensen stops and lets out a nervous laugh, "well, I wasn't really lying, cause it wasn't really stupid. But -- we hooked up. Sorta."

"What?" Jared asks and Jensen chances a glance at him, seeing the wide eyes and confused expression. 

His heart is beating rapidly in his chest, and he might not have been that nervous before but he sure as hell is now. Getting yourself ready to be shot down by the guy you're in love with is probably never the best feeling in the world, he concludes.

"When we were outside, behind the pool house, we started kissing and we jerked each other off," he explains.

Jared frowns. "What?" he repeats, sounding absolutely stunned.

"We were pretty drunk. And, God, I know I should have told you, Jay, but the thing is I -- I like you," Jensen admits in a small voice, before running a hand over his face. When he speaks up again, his voice is stronger. "I've been attracted to you pretty much from the moment we met. And then the party happened and you didn't remember and things got kind of screwed up. I wanted to talk to you about it, but there was this guy at your apartment, your boyfriend or whatever, and I realized that you're not interested."

"Jen," Jared says in low voice, laying his hand on Jensen's arm. It feels heavy through the layers of clothes.

"It's okay," he says. "I don't expect anything from you, Jay. It's just that I tried this whole 'pushing it to the back of my mind' thing and tried to just move on, but it didn't work too well. I know I was being an ass to you for a while, pushing you away and you didn't deserve that, but I just needed some time. I'm sorry I've been such a shitty friend lately, man."

"I was never mad at you for that," Jared interjects and Jensen gives him a small smile.

"I'm still sorry. That's not the point anyway," he shrugs. "The point is, I'm in love with you and I needed to get it out and let you know how I feel. And I just really hope it doesn't screw up our friendship."

"Jensen," Jared bursts out. 

Jensen shakes his head quickly and shushes Jared before he can say anything else.

"Don't. I don't want you to make any big promises and then realize that it makes you uncomfortable after all," he says quickly. "Please, just take your time to think about it."

"I don't even need to think about that," Jared argues. 

Jensen gives him a small smile, seeing the surprise still on Jared's face. He feels like a weight's been lifted off his shoulders, feels better about the whole situation than he has in months even if it still hurts. It hurts that now there's no doubt left that he can't have Jared.

"Well, then call me in a couple of days and tell me you still feel that way," he suggests and gets off the table.

He's done it, he thinks, he's told Jared and Jared's taken it much better than he'd thought he would. Unable to resist, he leans forward and presses a short kiss to the corner of his Jared's lips, lets himself have that one moment. He feels Jared reach for him, place his hand on Jensen's hip immediately.

"I want us to stay friends, more than anything," he murmurs and gives Jared a small smile as he steps back. "Call me, okay?"

"Two days?" Jared asks, and Jensen nods. 

"Yeah," he agrees and raises his hand in goodbye before turning around and leaving without looking back. He prays Jared won't change his mind.


	4. Chapter 4

When Jensen comes home from work the next evening, he's tired and tense. 

Word had gotten out about his father's retirement and the morning had been filled with people giving him looks and whispering when they thought he was out of earshot. Eventually people started approaching him and Jensen was pleasantly surprised by how many had offered sincere congratulations. Still, he knows some of his coworkers aren't quite as approving. He doubts anybody really thought Jensen wouldn't replace his dad as CEO one day, despite Jensen's own doubts, but he knows his age is an issue for some. Jensen would probably feel the same way if his future boss was young enough to be his son, so he can't really blame them, but he knows he's going to have to work hard to prove it's the right decision, that he's the right person for the job.

The only bright moment of the day was the slice of chocolate cake Aubrey gave him during their lunch break, with a single lit candle sticking out of it. 

"To celebrate," she said. "And hey, I'm getting something out of this, too, so I have two reasons to be happy about this. Always wanted to be a CEO's assistant."

Jensen smiles, remembering the way she beamed at him when he told her there was nobody else he could imagine doing the job. His dad had always told him that he'd be nothing without his assistant and his wife, and Jensen figures he's at least got the great assistant going for him, so he's half set. 

Jensen enters the foyer of his apartment building, and the receptionist gives him a nod.

"Evening, Mr. Ackles. You've got a visitor," he says, nodding towards the couch in the foyer.

Jared's standing in front of it, hands pushed into the pockets of his jeans and he gives Jensen an unsure smile.

"Jay. What are you doing here?" Jensen asks, walking up to Jared. He hesitates once he reaches him, halting a few feet in front of him.

"Hey Jensen. You got some time? 'Cause I wanted to talk to you."

Jensen nods quickly, gesturing towards the elevator. "Sure. You wanna come up?" he asks, feeling nervous. 

Jared had agreed to take a couple of days before calling him and Jensen's not sure if it's a good or really bad sign that he's suddenly here. 

The elevator ride up seems to take forever, and they stay quiet during it, Jared leaning against the wall opposite him and Jensen not daring to raise his eyes above Jared's chest.

Jared follows him into his apartment, and Jensen's desperately searching his mind for something to say to break the ice when he unlocks the door and is greeted by an excited bark. 

"Sadie, hey," he says with a relieved sigh, bending down to pet her. 

"That's her?" Jared asks, sounding more like the cheerful, boisterous guy Jensen knows. 

"Yeah," Jensen agrees and watches Sadie sniffle Jared's outstretched hand as Jared kneels down and starts petting her. 

"Hey, girl," Jared coos. "You're just as beautiful as Jensen said you are, aren't you?"

Jensen watches the two of them, unable to keep in a smile, and shrugs out of his coat. 

"She's awesome, Jensen," Jared says, looking up at him with a wide smile, scratching Sadie behind her ears. 

"She is," Jensen agrees. "So, umm, can I get you something to drink?"

"Water would be great," Jared says, getting up slowly and stripping out of his own jacket as he follows Jensen into the kitchen. 

Jensen grabs two bottles of water from the fridge and when he turns around, Jared's sitting on a stool at the counter, facing him. His legs are stretched out, feet planted on the tiles.

"So," Jared says as he accepts the bottle and licks his lips with a small smile. "I'm a moron."

"Okay," Jensen says slowly. He doesn't sit down, stays standing in front of Jared instead, unsure of what to do. He cocks his head to the side, waiting for Jared to go on.

"Yeah, see, when you came into the café for the first time? I noticed you right away. I don't think it's possible not to notice you." Jared scuffs his foot and gives Jensen a small smile. "You're gorgeous. And I was so excited when you came by again and asked me to join you for lunch, man. But see the thing is, I'm a student and you're -- not. You're successful and rich and all that stuff."

"That never mattered to me," Jensen interjects, his heart beating in his throat. 

_Jared_ is in his apartment, telling him he was, maybe even still is, attracted to Jensen, something Jensen gave up on hearing months ago. 

"But I thought it did. You could have anyone you want, Jen, anyone. I didn't ever think you'd want _me_ ," Jared says, looking so earnest and young and Jensen steps a little closer, resting his hand on Jared's knee hesitantly. Jared lays his hand on top of his, warm and gentle. "So, this is where the moron part comes in. I settled for being your friend and went out with other people, the guy you met being one of them. And he wasn't anyone special by the way, just this guy from one of my classes and we went out a couple of times, but -- he's not my boyfriend or anything," Jared says, looking up at Jensen through his bangs. "Anyway, I never let myself consider being more than your friend, 'cause I didn't think it was ever gonna happen. And things were fine, awesome even. And then you told me you had feelings for me yesterday and it totally threw me and I needed some time to process all of that."

"I get it, Jay," Jensen says and takes a slow breath, looking down at their hands. "So what now?"

Jared squeezes his hand, resting his free one on Jensen's hip. "I don't wanna be just your friend anymore," he says and leans in, pressing his lips to Jensen's tentatively. 

It's just soft brushes of lips, chaste and dry and Jensen reaches out for Jared automatically. He slides his hand around Jared's neck, keeping him in place, and kisses him harder. Jared pulls him closer, between his legs, his body warm against Jensen's, and runs his tongue over Jensen's lower lip. It's tentative at first, as if he's waiting for Jensen's approval, and Jensen opens his mouth and lets Jared slide in, hot and wet and absolutely perfect.

"So," Jensen says when they pull away, pressing another quick kiss to Jared's lips and resting his forehead against Jared's. 

They should talk about this, he thinks, but all he can focus on is Jared's touch. His hands are a heavy, warm weight on his body and he wants to press himself closer, wants to touch Jared everywhere and have Jared's hands imprinted on his skin.

Jared trails small, nibbling kisses down his chin and along his jaw. His fingers slide to the hem of Jensen's shirt, tugging it up and Jensen makes a small noise before catching Jared's mouth in another kiss. Jared runs his hand over the exposed skin of his back, pushing the shirt up further.

"Bedroom?" he mutters between short, quick kisses.

"Yeah, c'mon," Jensen agrees, feeling anticipation in the pit of his stomach. 

They stumble into the bedroom, Jensen shutting the door behind them so Sadie doesn't follow before Jared presses him against it, kissing him hard and rough. He spreads his legs, letting Jared push one between them. Jared's thigh is hard and firm against Jensen's growing erection and Jensen moans into his mouth, arching into it. He can feel the outline of Jared's own half-hard cock against his leg, feels Jared rub against him and he grabs Jared's ass in both hands, holding him as he grinds them together. 

"Want you," Jared mumbles with a deep groan, sliding his lips from Jensen's to his jaw, nibbling at the skin.

The words send spikes of arousal through Jensen and he pushes Jared away from him. "Come on then, bed."

He quickly shucks off his shirt, watches Jared do the same. 

Jared reaches out for him, fingers fumbling with the fly of Jensen's dress pants and they fall to the floor with a soft swoosh. Jensen tries to step out of them, but he's still wearing shoes and he stumbles, falling into Jared who chuckles loudly.

"Okay, okay, let's slow down a little," he mutters and lets Jared drag him to the bed. 

He sits down on the mattress heavily, reaching down to undo his shoes as Jared falls to his knees and helps him. Jensen kicks the shoes across the room and Jared slides his pants off the rest of the way, the socks following. 

Jared shuffles closer on his knees, pressing his hand against Jensen's knee and urging his legs apart. He leans down and kisses the inside of Jensen's knee, trailing small kisses up his inner thigh slowly. 

"Can I suck you?" he asks. 

Blood rushes down to Jensen's dick and he bites down on his lower lip before any embarrassing sounds can escape. As if Jared really needs to ask.

"God, Jay," Jensen whimpers, sliding his hands into Jared's hair and tries to pull Jared in closer.

Jared's hand reaches for the waistband of his briefs, tugging at them. "I take that as a yes," he says with a chuckle as Jensen lifts his hips, letting Jared slide the last article of clothing off his body.

The first touch of Jared's mouth around his cock, hot and wet, makes Jensen snap his hips up, thrusting into Jared's mouth. Jared presses him back into the mattress with strong hands before taking in more of Jensen's dick. He slides down slowly until Jensen hits the back of his throat, but he barely lets him linger there before pulling back up, and Jesus fucking Christ, Jensen is going to die if Jared keeps teasing him like that. 

Jared presses his tongue to the underside of Jensen's dick, tight suction around the head and Jensen groans when Jared takes him back down. Jensen loses himself in Jared's rhythm, up and down and wet hot mouth and the slight scrape of teeth and fuck, it feels so good. Jared's freaking amazing at this and Jensen's stomach is coiling with heat and want. 

He looks down through half-lidded eyes, watches the head of messy, dark hair bob up and down on him. Jared's going fast enough to drive him crazy, bringing him to the edge, but not enough to make him come. 

"Jared," he groans, trying to push up into Jared's mouth and hands.

Jared lets go of him with one hand, sliding fingers over his hipbone and underneath Jensen's cock. He cups one of Jensen's balls, fondling it before letting go. Jensen feels a finger slide into Jared's mouth along with his dick, feels spit drip down onto him.

Jared lets Jensen's cock slip out of his mouth slowly, pressing a kiss to the tip. "C'mere," he murmurs, "turn around." He slides his second hand down Jensen's leg, cupping him behind the knee and pushing. 

Jensen goes with it, until he's on his hands and knees in the middle of the bed and the mattress dips as Jared joins him on it. Jared presses kisses to his spine, and Jensen's breath hitches when he feels teeth scrape the sensitive skin. His cock is hard, curving up against his stomach and he reaches for it, needing release.

"Don't," Jared mumbles, curling his hand around Jensen's wrists and guiding it away. Jensen's about to protest when he feels fingers sliding between his cheeks. Jared circles his hole slowly, pressing against the muscle.

"Can I?" he asks.

"Fuck yeah." Jensen rocks against the finger and moans when he feels it slide into him slowly. He clenches his hands in the sheets, spreading his legs further. 

Jared opens him up with sure, deep strokes, slicking his fingers up with lube before adding a second and then a third. He presses against Jensen's prostate, thrusting in and out, and Jensen feels like he's going to burst any second. 

"Jay, please. Come here, fuck me," he breathes out. 

Jared pulls his fingers out, squeezing Jensen's hip. "Yeah," he says in a low voice. "God, yeah."

Jensen listens to the rip of foil and looks back over his shoulder to watch Jared roll a condom down his dick and slick himself up with lube. Jared meets his eyes, gives him a wide grin, cheeks flushed red, and leans over Jensen, catching his lips in a messy kiss. 

Jared goes slow at first, pushing into Jensen inch by inch. There's a slight pinch of pain, and Jensen feels stretched and full, but that's nothing compared to the pleasure. He pushes back into Jared, feels him slide in all the way and Jared makes a garbled, breathy noise. Jensen cranes his head back, catches a glimpse of Jared, skin flushed and eyes half-closed and God, a look of utter bliss on his face. Jensen feels warmth pool inside his stomach, something softer and more than just the want and need he's been feeling.

"Jensen," Jared groan, fingers digging into Jensen's hips, and he sounds so overwhelmed as he pulls out almost all the way and pushes back in in one fluid motion. 

Jensen arches into Jared, moaning and biting his lip as Jared drives into him with fast, sharp thrusts until Jensen feels like he's going to die from pleasure, the muscles in his arms and legs quivering and his cock painfully hard

It's too fast, needy, and Jared's grip on him is going to leave bruises for days, but it's probably the most fantastic sex Jensen's ever had. It's the first time he's actually sleeping with someone he truly loves wholeheartedly, and no matter how great the sex has been with other guys, nothing can even come close to this feeling. 

"Gonna come, Jen," Jared groans and leans over him, his body is covering Jensen's, sweat and heat and his weight almost making Jensen collapse onto the mattress. 

One hand wraps around Jensen's dick, jerking him roughly, and Jared bites his shoulder, muffling his grunt as he comes, and Jensen hisses in pain and pleasure and follows suit.

His arms give out and he tumbles onto the bed, Jared still sticking to him. 

"Jesus," Jared pants into Jensen's ear, kissing his neck sloppily. 

"Yeah," Jensen agrees. 

He shifts around, trying to roll out of the wet spot, and Jared lifts himself up. He pulls out of Jensen carefully, but Jensen hisses anyway. Jared falls back onto the bed and pulls Jensen into his arms. They're sweaty and there's come smeared all over Jensen's stomach and it should feel more disgusting. But it's probably the single most perfect moment of his entire life, Jensen thinks.

He presses a kiss to Jared's jaw, tasting the salty sweat on his lips, and throws his arm around Jared's waist.

"Hey," he says and Jared makes a low, affirmative noise. "Wanna go out on a date with me this Friday?"

Jared laughs softly, turning onto his side, and kisses Jensen softly. "Yeah. I'd love to."

~

"I was expecting a four-star restaurant at least," Jared says playfully, giving Jensen a wide grin and raising his eyebrows. "You're failing at this dating thing, Ackles."

Jensen bumps Jared's shoulder with his as they walk up to the door of the restaurant. "Didn't wanna go somewhere where they wouldn't let my date in," he replies. "There's this thing called a dress code, Jared."

"Oh, ha ha. Has anyone ever told you you don't insult your date, Jen?" Jared holds open the door, making an exaggerated gesture as he ushers Jensen inside and Jensen rolls his eyes. Jared crowds up close to him once inside. "Seriously," he says, voice lowered. "You gotta do a lot better if you want me to put out."

Jensen glances around quickly, but the only other person nearby is the maître d', who is looking at them more with boredom than disapproval. "You already did," he says and Jared laughs, slinging his arm around Jensen's shoulder.

"No, you did, Jen. Huge difference."

Jensen gives Jared a look and he'd say more, but the maître d' is starting to look a little impatient and Jensen figures they can continue their conversation once they're actually seated and not standing the foyer of the restaurant. He steps away from Jared reluctantly. 

"Hi. We have a reservation for two. Under Ackles."

Jared again closes the gap between them as the maître d' checks their reservation and slides his hand into Jensen's as they're led to their table. 

"So," Jared says once they've ordered their drinks, peering at Jensen over the menu. "As I was saying before, you need to try a little harder if you want any tonight."

"God," Jensen groans and he's glad their table his relatively secluded, just as he requested. "Maybe you're the one who should be worried about not getting laid any time soon."

"Please." Jared waves him off. "You would never say no to me. Plus, you're pretty easy."

"I'm easy?" Jensen repeats.

"One kiss, and you gave it up. Easy."

"What does that make you?"

"Willing to assist you in your easiness," Jared says with a grin. Jensen snorts and shakes his head.

"You're unbelievable. Now choose something to eat, man."

Jared smiles and his foot bumps against Jensen's ankle under the table. Jensen feels him fumble around until the foot presses between Jensen's and Jensen lets him, returning Jared's smile. 

"I think I already know what I want. Will you splurge for dessert? Cause then I need to leave room in my stomach."

"Wouldn't deprive you of it, Jay."

Jared smirks, putting the menu down. "Hmm, you're getting brownie points for that."

"Shut up. God, I don't know why I ever thought you and I would be a good idea," Jensen groans, waving their waiter over to order their food, unable to suppress a grin. 

Giddiness coils in his stomach, the need to reach over the table and hold Jared's hand, never let go again. He thinks he's finally seeing why some people think dates aren't half bad.

Jared watches the waiter leave again, a thoughtful look on his face when he looks back at Jensen. "I'm glad we're doing this. Us," he says, voice serious.

Jensen licks his lip, eyes not leaving Jared's. "Same here," he agrees.

~

Jared goes home for Christmas, and Jensen feels a little ridiculous for missing him so much when he's just gone for a few days. But after months of wanting Jared, he's finally allowed to kiss him and touch him and he doesn't think there'll be a point where he's going to _not_ want Jared around him all the time.

Jensen spends most of Christmas texting back and forth with Jared, a stupid smile on his face, and annoying Danneel with the details of just how awesome he thinks Jared is, which she endures with a patient smile on her face. He keeps sneaking glances at his cell all through Christmas dinner at his parents, grinning every time he sees another message from Jared, which makes his mother send him curious glances. 

Jared comes back a day early, showing up at Jensen's apartment. 

Jensen's looking through his stack of take-out menus for something he's not sick off and considering just skipping dinner and going straight to bed, when his door bell rings. There's only a small list of people that the doorman lets through without getting Jensen's approval first, so Jensen expects to find either Danneel or Misha at the other end of the door when he opens it.

"Jared," Jensen says in surprise. Jared is standing right in front of him, a duffle bag at his feet.

"I'm back," Jared says with a grin, and Jensen throws his arms around Jared's neck and hugs him close. Jared smells of cologne and sweat and he's warm and strong against Jensen.

"Hi," he says when they pull apart and kisses him softly..

"Hey. Merry Christmas."

"Christmas was three days ago, man." Jensen pulls Jared inside, pulling him into another kiss once the door has fallen shut behind them. 

Their lips slide together, Jared's hands on Jensen's hips holding him close and Jensen sighs into Jared's mouth. 

They almost topple over when Sadie crashes into them, jumping up excitedly and barking. Jared pulls away with a laugh, brushing their lips together one last time before dropping to his knees.

"Hey, how's my girl?" he asks, letting Sadie lick his face as he pets her.

Jensen watches them with a small smile on his face.

"Thought you weren't coming back until tomorrow?" Jensen asks when Jared gets back up.

Jared gives him a sheepish grin and shrugs. "My mom told me to get my ass back here. I guess I was talking about you a lot."

"You were, huh?"

"You can't tell me you didn't miss me, too," Jared says in a teasing voice, but he looks hopeful.

Jensen smiles. "I did," he says. "So, you told your parents about me?"

"I suck at keeping secrets from my family and I was too excited about you to keep it to myself." Jared shrugs, sounding so casual it makes Jensen's heart clench with happiness. "They're really happy for us. My mom even sent cookies for you."

"Yeah?" Jensen asks, grinning. "How about we go to bed, put in a DVD and have some of those?"

"Christmas movie?"

Jensen rolls his eyes playfully. "I told you Christmas was over."

"Yeah, well, I haven't given you your present yet and -- I thought maybe we could have a belated Christmas together," Jared says, looking a little awkward, like he expects Jensen to shoot him down. As if he ever could.

Jensen steps closer to Jared and he slides his arms around Jared's waist, smiling. "We could do that," he says and covers Jared's lips with his own in a short kiss. "I'm glad you're back, Jared."

"Yeah, me too."

~

By mid January, Jared's classes start again and Jensen, on top of doing his usual work, starts putting together a few ideas he wants to run by the board once his father has retired and Jensen has taken over.

He tries to match his schedule to Jared's as best as he can, working late when Jared has evening shifts, and leaving a little earlier on Wednesdays to meet up with Jared after his last afternoon class. Their time together is still limited though, and they spend most nights together to make up for it, even if that means Jensen has to keep himself busy while Jared does his homework before going to bed, sometimes skipping the sex altogether and falling asleep all tangled up. It's still better than any other relationship Jensen ever had.

Jensen's coming back from a meeting with their chief publisher when Aubrey interrupts.

"Jensen, you have a visitor in your office. Jared Padalecki? I figured I could let him into your office," she says, looking questioning. Jared's called him enough times for Aubrey to know him, even if he's never actually been at Jensen's office.

Jensen nods. "Thanks, Aubrey. You can go take your lunch break, if you want to," he offers.

Jared's sitting behind his desk, looking up with a bright smile when Jensen walks in.

"Hey. Am I allowed to sit at your desk? Just wanted to see what it's like being you. And dude, your office is sweet," he says, getting up and meeting Jensen halfway across the room. Jensen wraps his arms around Jared's neck and pulls him down for a kiss.

"What are you doing here?"

"Class was canceled. So I thought I'd see where my boyfriend worked and ask if he wanted to have lunch with me." Jared points back to the desk, where a brown paper bag is sitting. "Unless you're too busy?"

"Not for you." Jensen grins, leaning up to brush his lips against Jared's again and Jared cups his face, tilting his head up and deepening the kiss. 

He swipes his tongue over Jensen's lips, and Jensen parts his, sucking Jared's tongue in lazily. God, he loves kissing Jared, loves how Jared kisses him slow and demanding, like kissing Jensen is all that matters in the world, or hard and fast when he's horny, how he can make Jensen's pulse race and make him want to curl himself up in Jared's arms all at once. 

Jared pulls away with a soft chuckle, pressing one, two, three more soft, quick kisses to Jensen's lips. "I really did come to have lunch and nothing else," he says sheepishly.

Jensen grins at the look on Jared's face, tucking a stray strand of hair behind Jared's ear. "Okay, what'd you bring?"

"Cesar Salad, Cobb Salad and two club sandwiches from a deli near university." Jared unwinds his arms from around Jensen and gets the bag from the desk, leaning against it. 

His legs are stretched in front of him, impossibly long and spread enough for Jensen to step between them. 

"Sounds good," he replies and kisses Jared again, short and quick before Jared can protest. 

"Food, Jen, seriously. I'm starving."

Jensen just huffs, but lets Jared take the salads and sandwiches out of the bag and accepts the plastic fork Jared hands him. He drops down onto the chair, moving it sideways a little so he can stretch his legs and tangle them with Jared's, who's sitting on the edge of Jensen's desk.

"I was thinking maybe I could try and leave a little earlier today?" Jensen suggests. "We could go watch a movie or something."

"Actually, there's this band playing at this bar near campus tonight and I thought maybe we could go see them," Jared suggests. "It's a college thing, though, so we don't have to go-"

"What? You think I'm too old for college bands?" Jensen pretends to look outraged, and Jared knocks one of his legs away playfully.

"Yeah, exactly, grandpa. Just wasn't sure if it's your thing. A couple of my friends might show up and usually it's just the two of us when we hang out."

"You've met some my friends."

Jared shrugs. "A couple of times. But come on, we hang out in different circles, man."

Jensen rips of a corner of his sandwich and looks at Jared. "I don't mind hanging out with your friends, Jay. If they're anything like you, I'm gonna get along with them just fine." Jensen bites his lower lip, smirking. "I think the reason why we haven't really hung out with our friends might be because we haven't exactly come out of my apartment much lately."

Jared looks down, a grin on his face. "Yeah, guess we haven't. So tonight? The band's supposed to be really awesome. I have to work tomorrow so I only wanted to stay for a couple of hours anyway."

"Dinner first?"

"Yeah, definitely." Jared smiles widely. "I'm eating much better food since we started going out. I'm gonna have to keep you around for a while, Ackles."

Jensen just rolls his eyes and they finish their food in relative silence. Jensen balls up the paper and closes the lid on the empty salad box before placing it on the desk and getting up, brushing his hands on his pants. 

"We got a little longer before I have to get back to work," he says, raising his eyebrows.

Jared laughs, reaching out for him and pulling him close. Jensen cups Jared's neck, his thumb stroking Jared's cheek as he brings their lips together in a kiss. They kiss languidly, bodies pressed together and Jensen sighs softly when one of Jared's hands brush over his ass before settling on the small of his back under his suit jacked. Jensen wishes he had more time, that he could spread Jared out on his desk and lick and kiss every inch of his body, take his time to drive Jared crazy. He slides his free hand into Jared's hair, sinking deeper against Jared's body.

That's when the door to his office opens. 

"Jensen-"

Jensen whirls around, staring at his father standing in the doorway with his mouth open. 

"Dad, hey. Umm." He glances back at Jared, who stiffens and sits up straighter, his cheeks flushing a deep red. Jensen guesses this has to be even more uncomfortable for Jared than it is for him. And God, this has to be one of the worst ways for a parent to meet a boyfriend. "I'm on my lunch break," he explains weakly. 

"Of course. I should have knocked. I -- Aubrey wasn't there, so I didn't think," Alan gestures at the direction of Aubrey's desk outside, and then at Jensen and Jared. "I didn't know you -- had a friend in here."

"Boyfriend," Jensen says and runs a hand through his hair. He steps away from Jared a little, moving to stand beside him as Jared stands up, and rests his hand on Jared's arm. "Dad, this is my boyfriend, Jared Padalecki. Jay, my dad, Alan Ackles."

Alan looks at Jared with surprise and then steps into Jensen's office, offering his hand. Jared shakes his hand, a blush still on his face.

"Nice to meet you, sir," he says, sounding shyer that Jensen's ever heard him sound.

"Likewise." Alan turns to Jensen. "I didn't know you were seeing anybody."

"We only got together before Christmas. I was gonna tell you and mom." Jensen slides his hand into Jared's, squeezing it. 

His father looks down at their joined hands before nodding, a small smile on his face. 

"Well, I'm sure your mom's gonna want you to bring him around for dinner one night," he says. "But. I'm gonna leave you two alone now. I'll come back later." 

He pats Jensen on the shoulder and nods at Jared before leaving again. When the door falls shut behind him, Jensen groans, turning in Jared's arms and burying his head in Jared's shoulder. "God," he whimpers. "I can't believe my dad just walked in on me making out with my boyfriend. At work."

"I'm sorry," Jared says. "This is all my fault. I shouldn't have just dropped by here."

Jensen lifts his head back up and shakes his head. "You can come here whenever you want, Jay, really. And you would have met my parents sooner or later anyway."

"Yeah?"

"Of course. I just hoped it would've been less embarrassing," Jensen says with a grin and then shrugs. "But hey, my dad didn't seem upset, so no harm done, right?"

"Right," Jared agrees and rests his forehead against Jensen. "You're really not upset?"

"Jay, no. I swear. It's not a big deal – just kinda embarrassing," Jensen promises.

"Yeah," Jared agrees. "I better leave now and let you get back to work."

Jensen hums a soft agreement, kissing Jared shortly. "I'll come get you at seven for dinner? I wanna go home to shower and change first."

"'kay. See you tonight." Jared steals one more kiss and Jensen watches him leave with a smile.

~

Jared greets him at the door with a kiss, pulling him inside. "My roommate's at his girlfriend's," he says, hooking his fingers into Jensen's belt hoops. "So I thought we'd skip going out for dinner and made something instead."

"Hmm, how sweet of you," Jensen replies. "What're we having?"

"Pasta with tomato sauce." Jared makes a face as he says it, and Jensen grins. 

Jared has many talents, but cooking sure isn't one of them. The most complicated food Jensen has ever seen Jared make was scrambled eggs.

"Do I need to be scared?" He walks past Jared into the tiny kitchen, looking at the two pots on the stove. He lifts the lid of the pot with the sauce and peers inside. "Doesn't smell half bad."

"Called my mom," Jared admits, wrapping his arms around Jensen from behind. "I thought being alone instead of at some restaurant was worth the possible food poisoning. And my mother assured me that even I couldn't fuck up tomato sauce."

Jensen snorts. "I have my doubts there," he teases and laughs when Jared growls into his ear, tightening his arms around Jensen.

"You're being mean."

"Poor you. Want me to make it all better?" Jensen wriggles out of Jared's grip and turns to face him. 

"Definitely. After dinner."

Jensen sighs and tries to look hurt. "You know just how to make me feel loved, man, turning down sex for food."

"You wouldn't want me to faint halfway through fucking, would you?" Jared asks, getting two plates out of the cupboard and Jensen retrieves forks and spoons from the cutlery drawer. "And you are, you know?" Jared says in softer voice.

"I'm what?" Jensen starts spooning spaghettis onto the first plate and hands it to Jared, who adds the sauce on top of it.

Jared smiles. "Loved," he replies, hip checking Jensen.

Jensen pauses his movements, looking at Jared in astonishment. Jensen told Jared he was in love with him that day in the park, but he hasn't said it again since. He didn't want to rush Jared, didn't want him to feel pressured to return the words. It's only been a couple of months, and Jensen knows that they are in fact rushing things, but it's Jared. His best friend. He's been in love with Jared since last summer and he's never cared so much for someone else and it doesn't _feel_ rushed. It feels right.

Jared's looking back at him with a small smile on his face and Jensen mirrors it. He leans close and presses a kiss to Jared's mouth. "I love you, too."

Jared slides a hand to Jensen's neck, squeezing it and grinning at Jensen.

They eat on the couch, some show Jensen doesn't know playing on TV, but neither of them really pays any attention to it. Jared's plate's empty within minutes and he leans back against the back of couch, and Jensen shifts sideways to face him immediately. Jared pulls Jensen's legs onto his lap, one hand wrapped loosely around one of Jensen's ankles and his thumb slipping beneath the leg of the jeans. He runs circles over the skin languidly. Jensen sighs, setting his half finished plate down onto the table.

"That's distracting," he says, resting his cheek against the top of the back of the couch, and watches Jared.

Jared moves his hand higher, running it up Jensen's calf. "Yeah?"

"Jay," Jensen breathes out. "I love you touching me."

"I love touching you," Jared replies with a smirk and Jensen's stomach twists with want. 

He moves down the couch, straddling Jared's thighs and kisses Jared. He licks tomato sauce off the corner of Jared's lips before slipping his tongue into Jared's mouth, tangling it with Jared's, hot and wet. He kisses Jared until they're both breathless, his hands buried in Jared's hair and Jared gripping Jensen's thighs. His lips are tingling and his cock is hard and he can feel Jared's not doing much better. 

"What do you want?" Jared asks, breath fanning across Jensen's face and he peppers kisses along Jensen's chin and jaw. "Want to fuck me? Or want me to fuck you?"

"Either," Jensen says, pressing a kiss to Jared's lips. "Both. I don't care."

Jared reaches between them, unbuttoning Jensen's shirt. Once it's stripped off, Jensen pulls off the t-shirt he was wearing underneath. He grabs the hem of Jared's shirt, tugging it up and pulling it off. 

Jared's beautiful, skin golden and smooth, and Jensen runs his hands up Jared's naked arms, feels the muscles under his palms. He leans down, trailing kisses down Jared's collarbone and chest and flicks his tongue over Jared's right nipple, feels it harden against his mouth and listens to the soft moans from Jared. Scraping his teeth over it carefully, he reaches for Jared's other nipple and rubs his thumb over it. Jared arches against him and Jensen can feel the rapid beating of his heart in his chest, steady and strong. 

"What do you want?" he asks, repeating Jared's earlier question. 

Jared's breathing harshly into his ear and when he speaks, his voice is hoarse. 

"You. I want you inside me, Jensen."

"Yeah. Yeah, I can do that," Jensen breathes out. 

Jared pulls Jensen back in, kissing him. They grind against each other, hands running over exposed skin and clothed legs as their lips move together, teeth and tongue, and Jensen feels like he could explode any second.

When he pulls away, Jared's lips are red and bruised and his own tingle. 

Jensen gets up quickly, undoing the fly of his jeans and pushing them down along with his briefs and pulling off his socks as Jared struggles out of his own remaining clothes. 

"Turn around," Jensen says. "Lie on your stomach."

"If we leave come stains on the couch, my roommate's gonna kill me," Jared warns, but lies down. 

Jensen kneels on the couch, one leg between Jared's and the other wedged between Jared's leg and the back of the couch. He leans over Jared, bracing himself, and kisses the nape of Jared's neck. He trails wet kisses down Jared's spine, tastes salty traces of sweat on his tongue. 

"Jensen," Jared pants when Jensen reaches the small of his back, kissing and nibbling at the skin. 

Jensen makes a soft, shushing noise and slides further down. He pushes his hand against the inside of Jared's thigh, and Jared spreads his legs as far as the couch allows him. Jensen cups one of Jared's ass cheeks in his hand, kneading the flesh and peppering kisses to the beginning of Jared's crack and listens to Jared's breath hitch. He loves this. Loves Jared squirming under his mouth and hands, loves knowing he's driving Jared crazy.

Jensen spreads Jared's cheeks with his hand and licks a long stripe over Jared's hole, feels the muscle clench under his tongue. He repeats the action a few times, eliciting groans and whimpers from Jared. With his free hand, he holds Jared down. He circles Jared's entrance, dragging his tongue over it slowly and deliberately, before pushing in. 

"Oh god," Jared groans, sounding needy and wanton, like he's falling apart under Jensen's tongue and Jensen wants to make him sound like that for the rest of their lives, wants to hold Jared close and never let go. 

He fucks Jared with his tongue, pushing in and out, sharp, quick thrusts, feeling the ring of muscles clench and unclench around him and he loosens his hold on Jared enough that Jared can push back against him. The taste of Jared is musky and heady on his tongue and Jensen feels his own dick grow hard and leak pre-come. It's messy and dirty and Jared's grinding into the couch cushions, making sobbing noises, begging Jensen for more and now and _please_.

"Shh, I'll get you there," Jensen says and draws back, wetly kissing Jared's ass and small of his back. He sucks two of his fingers into his mouth, swirling his tongue around them before running them down Jared's crack, pressing one finger in. Jared rocks back onto his finger, sucking in a surprised breath and Jensen opens him up slowly. He adds a second finger quickly, pushing them in and out and Jared keens when Jensen presses against his prostate.

His own breathing is harsh and he's so goddamn hard. He wants to be inside Jared, wants to bury himself inside and have Jared wrapped around him until everything else outside of this, of them, fades away. Jensen sits back on his haunches, pulling his fingers out.

"Jensen, please," Jared says, his voice broken, and he looks back at Jensen. His face is flushed, hair disheveled and God, he looks so fucked out and freaking beautiful.

"I need lube and a condom. Bedroom?" He gets off the couch before Jared can even answer, his legs a little shaky and can't resists leaning down and kissing Jared, quick and dirty. "I'll be right back."

He hurries into Jared's bedroom, grabbing lube and a condom from the nightstand before joining Jared again.

Jared's on his back when Jensen comes back and Jensen kneels between his legs, uncapping the lube and squeezing some onto his fingers. He reaches between Jared's legs, pressing three fingers into Jared, feeling him hot and tight around him. He watches Jared's face, the way he bites down on his bottom lip and looks up at Jensen through half-lidded eyes as he opens him up.

"I'm good, come on, fuck me," Jared urges and Jensen nods, licking his lips.

"Yeah. Yeah, okay." 

He pulls his fingers out of Jared, and Jared grabs the condom, tearing open the wrapper and rolling it down Jensen's dick, his hand warm and fuck, it feels good just to have Jared's hand on him. 

He spreads the lube over his cock himself and hoists one of Jared's legs over his shoulder, the other one wrapped loosely around his waist.

He pushes into Jared, their gazes locked, feels the first ring of muscles clench around him and then give way as Jared relaxes. Jared's tight around him, hot and smooth and almost overwhelming. He loves this part of sex, loves first pushing into Jared and feeling him engulf him, the thrill of being inside Jared. He lets Jared adjust to him once he's fully in, watches Jared's face carefully until he gives him a nod. He pulls back out then until only the tip of his cock is inside Jared and drives back in in one smooth, hard thrust.

Jensen fucks Jared hard and fast, sweat dripping down his temple and his whole body burning with need and pleasure, while Jared jerks himself off. 

Jared comes first, his come splattering over his own stomach and his whole body tightens around Jensen. It takes a few more sharp thrusts, and Jensen follows. 

He collapses on top of Jared, sweat and come a sticky mess between their bodies and their legs tangled together. He presses his face into Jared's neck, feeling boneless and satisfied. They lie in silence for a few moments, Jared's arms wrapped around Jensen and holding him close, before Jared starts shifting beneath him.

Jensen makes a shuffling noise and presses short kisses to Jared's skin. "A few more minutes."

Jared tightens his arms around him. "We need to shower," he says. "The band, remember?"

Jensen groans, but starts getting up slowly, pulling out of Jared carefully. Jared pulls him close by the hips, kissing him quickly. "You don't have to come with me to the bar if you don't want to."

"I want to," Jensen replies, kissing Jared once more. 

They shower quickly, their bodies barely fitting in the tiny shower stall together and this is exactly why Jensen prefers them saying at his place, where they have a big shower and a big bed.

As Jared towels his hair off, miles of naked, damp skin flushed from the hot water, Jensen has to bite back a moan and he can't help stepping right up to Jared, touching and kissing and coaxing Jared into round two. 

By the time they make it to the bar, the band's already playing, but Jared looks so content and happy, his arm wrapped around Jensen's shoulder, that Jensen doubts he's particularly upset about missing part of the show. 

"Jared!" a blond guy shouts as they approach the bar. "Man, I was starting to think you weren't coming."

"We got a little delayed," Jared replies with a shit-eating grin that makes Jensen want to pull him close and kiss him breathless. Jared laughs when his friend makes a face. 

"Spare us the details."

"Please don't," a girl chimes in, smiling widely. She holds out her hand towards Jensen. "Hi, I'm Sandy. You must be Jensen?"

"Yeah, hi. Nice to meet you." Jensen shakes her hand, smiling back at her. She's petite and pretty and there's something about her that makes Jensen like her immediately.

"You, too. We heard a lot about you," Sandy says with a grin directed at Jared. "Oh, and this douche here is Chad. For some inexplicable reason, Jared keeps him around."

"Bitch, please. You love me," Chad says.

Sandy rolls her eyes. "In your dreams."

"Ignore them," Jared says, lips close to his ear. "They're always like this. Can't figure out if it's some twisted way of flirting or if they just like to push each other's buttons."

Jensen laughs and nods. "Will do," he agrees. "So, drinks?"

"Beer?"

Jensen nods and turns his attention back to Sandy and Chad. "You guys want something, too?"

"I'm good," Sandy says, holding up a drink.

"Whatever you guys are having," Chad nods.

"God, if you get drunk tonight I'm not carrying your fat ass home, Chad," Sandy complains and Jensen chuckles as he listens to them bicker while ordering their drinks.

They don't stay too long, hanging out with Sandy and Chad until the band ends their set. They're surprisingly good and Jensen makes a mental note to let Chris and Steve know about them since they like to check out local bands whenever they're not playing themselves.

They go back to Jensen's place afterward, and they take Sadie for a quick walk before crawling into bed together and pressing up close, falling asleep with one of Jensen's legs tucked between Jared's.

~

Jensen is barely awake, dozing contently with Jared's warm weight pressed against his side and sunlight streaming in through the not-quite closed blinds, when the phone rings. His eyes snap open and he curses under his breath, reaching for the cordless phone lying on his nightstand as he untangles himself from Jared.

"Yeah?" he asks in a low voice, glancing over his shoulder at Jared, who makes a soft noise, shuffling around a little before settling down again. 

"Jensen, hi, it's your mother. Am I calling at a bad time?" his mom's voice sounds from the other end of the phone.

"Yeah. No. Give me a sec," he says distractedly. He pulls the covers a little higher over Jared before tiptoeing out of his bedroom and closing the door behind him as softly as he can. "Sorry, I was still in bed and I didn't want to wake Jared up -- Dad told you about Jared, right?"

"He did," Donna says. "That's actually why I'm calling. I wanted to invite you two to dinner for next Saturday."

"I -- I'd have to check with Jared," Jensen hedges, sitting down on his couch and shuddering a little as the cold leather touches the bare skin of his back. 

"Well, do that. Just get back to me quickly, so I can make plans. Is there anything Jared doesn't like? We had lunch with Rosemary and her daughter last week and that girl basically doesn't eat anything. It was disastrous."

Jensen runs a hand over his face and sighs, imagining Jared at one of his parents' dinner parties. He's going to have to take him to some fast-food place afterwards, no doubt. 

"Just nothing too weird, okay? He's -- more of a pizza and steak kinda guy?"

"Jensen, I'm not completely clueless about young people these days," Donna says, sounding a little miffed and Jensen groans.

"I wasn't saying that. It's just -- Jared's just a normal guy, okay? He's not some haughty lawyer or doctor. And I like him. I really, really like him. So please just give him a chance, okay?"

His mother's silent for a moment. "You know, Jensen, when your father and I met, I was just a college student from a middleclass family, wanting to become a teacher. I never wanted you to have a boyfriend who was a _haughty lawyer or doctor_ ," she says, quoting his words. "I wanted you to have a boyfriend who made you happy."

Even alone in his living room, Jensen has the grace to blush sheepishly. "You were always trying to set me up with those guys," he argues meekly.

His mother chuckles. "Well, those are the only young men I know who are interested in other men. Was I supposed to ask every guy I met on the street if he happened to like men and would he want to meet my son? Jensen, really. I just wanted to introduce you to some nice men. You obviously didn't do a good job meeting those yourself."

"Mom," Jensen sighs. 

"Well, it's true. I heard my fair share of which kind of guys you – uh, went out with, and they certainly weren't the type of people I wanted for you," Donna says, sounding disapproving, but when she continues her voice softens. "But I hope this one's different."

Jensen smiles softly to himself, glancing at the closed door to bedroom. He can picture Jared behind it, sprawled out in the bed, the white sheets contrasting with his smooth, tan skin, and his features relaxed in sleep, making him look so much younger, and Jensen's heart aches in the best way possible. 

"He is," he says. "And he makes me happy, mom."

"Good. I'm glad, baby," she says. "So let him know your father and I would love to have you two over for dinner. A completely normal one. Steak, you said, right?"

"Yeah, he'll like that," Jensen agrees. "Bye, mom."

"Bye." 

She hangs up, and Jensen holds the phone in his hand for a moment before putting it down and getting up. He walks back into the bedroom quietly, slipping under the covers behind Jared carefully.

"Jensen?" Jared mumbles, turning around and yawning. He blinks at Jensen tiredly and wraps one arm around him, pulling their bodies closer together.

"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you," Jensen says, kissing Jared softly.

"Hmmm, it's okay." Jared tangles their legs, his eyes half lidded and a lazy smile on his face. "Where were you?"

"On the phone. My mom called."

Jared scrunches up his nose, yawning again. "Everything okay?"

Jensen chuckles, sliding his hand behind Jared's neck, fingers tangled in the strands of hair there, before he pulls Jared in for another kiss, deeper and harder than the one before. Jared makes a surprised noise, but kisses him back. 

"Never been better," Jensen says when he pulls away, rolling on top of Jared, a small happy smile playing on his lips.

At almost 29, Jensen thinks life can't get much better than this.

**the end**


End file.
